Interview of Chaos
by Lomcat93
Summary: AU; All our favorite characters are invited to participate in a series of interviews on Channel 64 News. How long will their sanity and innocence last? Written in dramatic form. WARNING: POSSIBLE ACIT SPOILERS! Rated T for occasional swearing
1. Welcome, Heroes!

_Author's Note: My first (posted) fanfic, so please excuse my bad writing style. I'm sure I'll get better soon. =)_

_I came up with this idea while watching a very boring news interview...I don't even remember who it was about...lol. Anyway, I just started thinking about that news reporter from the old Ratchet and Clank games, Darla Gratch, the one who's always being eaten or attacked by something. Then I started imagining what an interview with some of the characters would be like for poor Darla, and this is what I came up with. (Written in dramatic style, like a play.)_

_By the way, if anyone has an idea for a question I could ask a character, please share with me in a review. I'll credit you in the story. =)_

**Disclaimer: I don't own Ratchet and Clank. The rights for every aspect of the game belong to Insomniac Games. **

**Interview of Chaos**

**Chapter 1: Welcome, Heroes!**

_(There is a dimly lit room with four gray chairs and a simple wooden table sitting alone in its center. Cameras, light stands, and microphones are scattered around the room. Incomprehensible chatter bounces off the walls as numerous alien species dash around, looking busy.)_

_(The lighting gets brighter, revealing a cliché brick fireplace background. The crowd of aliens falls silent.)_

_(Enter Darla Gratch, Ratchet, Clank, and Qwark from stage left. They each take their seats. A cameraman signals to indicate that the cameras are rolling.)_

**Darla:** Hello, everyone! This is Darla Gratch of Channel 64 News reporting live from our studio. Today, we're bringing you coverage of our interview with some of Solana's favorite heroes. I'm sure they need no introductions, but-

**Qwark:** Of course I don't need introductions! Who wouldn't recognize my awesomeness? _(Flexes arm muscles)_

_(Ratchet smacks his forehead; Clank sighs.)_

**Darla: **...Right, well, I've been given the honor to speak with Ratchet, Clank, and Captain Qwark. Say hello to everyone, guys!

_(Ratchet and Clank both smile and wave.)_

**Qwark:** _(Jumps on top of chair and waves arms) _HELLOOOOOOO!!!!

**Darla: **Alright, pretty soon our phone lines will be available. If you have any questions for these talented, young heroes, then please do not hesitate to call (000)-1NEWS64. Please limit your questions to three per call.

**Ratchet:** Yeah, we don't want Qwark's head to explode. _(Looks thoughtful)_ ...Or do we?

**Clank:** Ratchet! We're on television! Mind your manners!

**Ratchet:** Oh come on, Clank! It's just a joke. Look, he's not even paying attention!

**Qwark:** _(Looks backward)_ Hey, why didn't anyone ever tell me that green makes me look fat? Turn off the camera! I'm hideous!

_(Qwark tackles the nearest cameraman, who falls to the floor with a surprised look. The camera crashes to the floor.)_

**Darla:** My goodness!

**Ratchet:** _(Stands up looking thrilled)_ Yes! Finally something interesting happens! 20 bolts on the cameraman!

**Clank:** _(Sighs)_ This isn't worth 25 bolts a day...

**Ratchet:** Hey Clank! The cameraman has Qwark in a choke hold! HA HA! _(Points at Qwark)_

_(Skrunch appears out of nowhere, looks at Ratchet, and jumps on his head. Ratchet runs around the room, screaming and cursing, while Skrunch nibbles on his ears.)_

**Clank:** _(Looking amused)_ Hehehe...Karma...

_Hope you guys enjoyed it! Sorry that it's so short; I promise the next chapter will be longer._

_Just as a reminder, if anyone wants to leave a question for me to use, please write the question in a review. Also be sure to add the character you want to ask. If I use it in the story, I'll credit you with your username, unless you leave a different name for me to use (like a nickname)._


	2. Introduction from Hell

_Author's Note: Well, I've received some positive feedback about this story, so I've decided to pry myself away from my PlayStation in order to upload the next chapter. I've been playing R&CF: A Crack in Time; it's so awesome that I'm nearly speechless. The graphics are breathtaking and the story is developing nicely so far. Whoops, sorry about getting off track there... =) So, here's the next chapter of __Interview of Chaos._

_And again, feel free to leave any questions you'd like me to include in the story, as well as the character you'd like to ask. Thanks!_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Ratchet and Clank, Insomniac Games owns all the rights to its plot, characters, etc.**_

**Interview of Chaos**

**Chapter 2: Introduction from Hell**

_(Commercial Break)_

_(Ratchet, Clank, and Qwark sit patiently in their chairs. Skrunch darts back and forth, terrorizing the staff, and occasionally attacking Ratchet's ears. Darla Gratch enters from stage right.)_

**Darla:** _(looking peeved) _Alright, before our commercial break ends, I just want to remind all of you that you're on LIVE HOLOVISION! There is to be absolutely NO swearing, fighting, or any other unusual or possibly offensive behavior. Do I make myself clear?

_(Everyone nods.)_

**Darla:** Good, because if it happens again, I swear Gadgetron I'll kick all of you in the-

**Cameraman:** We're back!

**Darla:** _(Spins around quickly)_ Welcome back viewers! While we wait for calls, why don't we introduce our guests properly? We at Channel 64 News have taken the time to compile an informative slide show about our guests, with commentary!

_(A large screen drops from the ceiling behind the chairs. Everyone turns around and gawks at the screen.)_

_**Screen:**__ (shows picture of Solana galaxy)_

_**Narrator:**__ Solana. A beautiful galaxy filled with friendly citizens and gorgeous planets. But where would we be without our most talented, famous heroes?_

_**Screen:**__ (Changes to a picture of Ratchet, Clank, and Qwark standing in Al's Roboshack. Al can be seen poking his head out behind Qwark.)_

_**Narrator:**__ Solana has been through troubling times, whether it be the destruction of planets by Chairman Drek, or the extinction of organic beings by Dr. Nefarious. But however serious the situation may be, we can always rely on our buddies to rid us of these dangers._

_**Screen:**__ (Displays picture of Ratchet. Looks as if he just woke up; his fur is badly ruffled, and he's staring blankly with one eye half closed.)_

**Ratchet:** Hey! I remember that picture; damn you Luna!

**Clank:** It's not that bad...

**Ratchet:** _(looking tearful)_ It was 4 a.m....

_**Narrator:**__ Ratchet, a Lombax native to Veldin, has accomplished quite a long list of achievements. He's saved Solana three times, the Bogon Galaxy once, and the Polaris galaxy as well. He's also one of the few heroes to survive Dreadzone. His hobbies include engineering, space travel, listening to Courtney Gears, wearing robots as backpacks, and trying *cough but failing cough* to be cool._

**Ratchet:** Hey! That's not true! If I'm not cool, then why am I being interviewed?!

**Darla:** _(chucks microphone at Ratchet)_ Shut up!

_**Screen:**__ (Switches to a shot of Clank in his secret agent attire. He's holding a cocktail while he smiles at the camera.)_

**Qwark:** _(Gasps)_ Clank! I didn't know you were an alcoholic! I'm shocked! You must be _above_ the influence, buddy!

_(Clank puts his hands on his hips and glares. Darla throws a light stand at Qwark. The stand crashes into his head, and he gets knocked unconscious.)_

_(Ratchet grins and silently claps.)_

_**Narrator:**__ Our favorite robot, Clank, is native to Quartu. He's is Ratchet's right hand man when it comes to combat. He is also the star of the #1 most watched Holovision series, Secret Agent Clank. His hobbies include acting, solving rubix cubes in 12.5 seconds, calculating Pi, and flushing his radiator core. _

_**Screen:**__ (Changes to picture of Qwark standing over a bewildered looking Blargian Snagglebeast. He is flexing his arms in a heroic way.)_

_**Narrator:**__ Captain Qwark, quite possibly the most successful hero in the history of the universe, has accomplished too many heroic deeds to list. His hobbies include lifting two-pound weights, giving away autographs, and kissing babies._

**Ratchet:** _(crosses arms)_ More like kissing ass...

_(Clank and Darla glare at Ratchet.)_

_(Slide show ends. Screen disappears back into the ceiling.)_

**Darla:** Alright, now that we've gotten to know our guests a bit better, let's start answering questions!

_I did a better job of writing this chapter, right? I think so. =) Sorry for the lack of questions, I'm desperately trying to think of interesting ones. So far, I've come up with some pretty lame, cliche type questions. I promise there will be questions in the next chapter, though. =)_

_I'm still welcoming any questions from my readers. If you're interested in doing this, either leave a question in a review or PM me. Thanks to anyone who does!_


	3. Unexpected Guest

_Author's Note: Here's the next chapter of __Interview of Chaos__. Hopefully, it's still as entertaining as the first few chapters. Special thanks to shkkf for helping me come up with ideas. You were a life saver. =)_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Ratchet and Clank, Insomniac Games does. **_

**--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Interview of Chaos**

**Chapter 3: Unexpected Guest**

_(Everyone is sitting patiently for a call. Qwark seems extra fidgety; he's twiddling his thumbs and looking at everything with a blank expression. He glances over at Ratchet and Clank for a moment and then turns toward them.)_

**Qwark:** So, guys, while we're waiting, does anybody have any good jokes?

**Ratchet:** Nope.

**Clank:** I'm afraid not.

_(Qwark looks disappointed. He looks at the floor and frowns. He keeps glancing at his companions for several long minutes. Then he turns back towards them.)_

**Qwark:** This one time, at band camp-

**Ratchet:** OH GREAT! Not one of _those _jokes! Just shut up and sit still Qwark!

**Clank:** _(Looks innocently at Ratchet)_ I don't understand. What do you mean by "one of those jokes"? Is it funny?

_(Before anyone can answer, Darla enters from stage right. She looks rushed as she dashes across the room to sit in her chair.)_

**Darla:** _(Looking impatient)_ Shut up, all of you! We're less than ten seconds away from going back on air! Now remember, whatever you do, do NOT-

**Cameraman:** We're back!

**Darla:** Hello viewers! We've been waiting patiently for your calls, and we've finally received some promising questions! So, without further ado-

**Qwark:** Hold on, what were you going to say before?

**Darla:** _(Stands up, looking outraged. She starts shaking her fist at a terrified looking Qwark.)_ WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU, YOU WORTHLESS IMBECILE?! _NO _INTERRUPTING ME! YOU'RE MAKING ME LOOK STUPID! _(She launches herself at Qwark)_

**Qwark: **AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

_(Ratchet and Clank look utterly horrified as they watch Qwark and Darla wrestle around. They scramble away to avoid the two fighting lunatics. A cameraman frantically signals for a commercial break. Another cameraman runs in front of the commotion.)_

**Cameraman:** Sorry, folks! Looks like we're having..._(glances back)_ um, technical difficulties. We'll be right back once we've corrected the issue.

_(The struggling hero and robot bump into the cameraman's legs. He falls forward on top of the camera, making it crash to the ground. All cameras pick up nothing but static.)_

_***Ten Minutes Later***_

_(Darla and Qwark are back in their seats. Darla looks flustered while Qwark keeps glancing nervously towards Darla. Ratchet and Clank both have on looks of terror; they silently inch their chairs away from Qwark and Darla. Skrunch is hiding behind Ratchet's chair, being unusually silent. A cameraman steps cautiously towards Darla.)_

**Cameraman:** We're ready to go back on, ma'am. Are you sure you can handle this?

**Darla:** _(Crosses her arms and glares at the cameraman)_ Of course I can handle this, you twit! Roll the cameras, already!

_(Cameraman dashes away with a frightened look. The cameras come to life once more.)_

**Darla:** _(Looking delighted and calm, as if nothing ever happened)_ Welcome back! I apologize for the interruption; the problem has been fixed and we're finally ready to take calls!

_(Someone loudly bangs on the door to the studio. Everyone looks at it curiously. Darla starts to twitch, as if she's beginning to malfunction. A timid looking robot edges nervously towards the door and opens it. Standing in the doorway are Dr. Nefarious and Lawrence. Nefarious glances back and forth, looking perplexed.)_

**Nefarious:** WHAAAT? Lawrence, you said I was invited to another interview for _Supervillian Weekly_! Why would these morons be here?!

**Lawrence:** _(Looking unfazed)_ Dreadfully sorry, sir. It seems that I've "accidentally" signed us up as guest stars for an interview meant for heroes. My apologies.

**Ratchet:** _(Grabs his wrench, jumps on his chair, and points at Nefarious)_ Not you again! Eat metal, Nefarious! _(Jumps off chair and runs toward Nefarious. His wrench lightly pushes a camera over, making it tilt.)_

**Darla:** _(Jumps in front of the lopsided camera. She waves her hands from side to side, looking shocked.)_ Quickly! Turn off the camera! _(Nefarious can be heard screaming in the background. Darla glances over at the noise.)_

_(All cameras show static.)_

_***Ten (More) Minutes Later***_

_(Everyone is sitting in their seats once more. Another two seats have been added for Nefarious and Lawrence. Ratchet and Nefarious have their arms crossed. They look at each other and glare; Ratchet sticks out his tongue. Nefarious growls. Clank sighs and smacks his forehead.)_

_(The cameras begin rolling again.)_

**Darla:** Hello, again! During our break, we had the chance to welcome a couple of new guests. Meet Dr. Nefarious and his butler, Lawrence! Everyone, let's give them a warm welcome!

_(Qwark begins to clap. Everyone except Nefarious and Lawrence glares at him. Qwark lets his hands drop to his side.)_

**Darla:** Alright, we're definitely ready to take our first call. You're on the air!

**Caller:** Hi. This question is for both Ratchet and Clank. So, how did it feel when you defeated Dr. Nefarious? **(Thanks to shkkf for the question!)**

**Clank:** Well, we were just happy that we had saved the galaxy.

**Ratchet:** You know that saying, "getting a monkey off your back"? I think that pretty much sums it up. _(Clank nods enthusiastically)_

**Nefarious:** IDIOTIC SQUISHIE! _(Stands up and points at Ratchet)_ Prepare to die!

_(Nefarious pulls out a Combuster and fires at Ratchet. Ratchet back flips out of the way while the bullet hits Darla. She flies backstage. Clank shakes his head and walks calmly towards the camera.)_

**Clank:** _(Jumps in front of camera lens)_ Looks like we'll need another commercial break. Please be patient and we'll be back soon. _(Nefarious can be heard swearing and screaming in the background while Ratchet laughs uncontrollably.)_

_(Cameras, yet again, show static.)_

**--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

_Yay, I finally got a long chapter up! (Looks at word count, which is just barely 1000) Aww, it's still pathetically short... XD_

_So, tell me what you think. Are you happy Nefarious is now a part of this insane interview? I don't know how it could possibly get any more chaotic...lol. Review please. =)_


	4. Lots o' Questions

_Author's Note: Alright, I've finally completed the fourth chapter. I apologize for the long wait; this week has been hell for me. I had tons of homework and after school crap to go to, including a concert! That sucked... xP But this chapter has a lot of questions, so hopefully it will excuse my long absence. =) Special thanks to WindGoddessRune for leaving questions. R&R please._

_**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, weapons, or ideas included in the story, they are owned by Insomniac Games, with the exception of Lawrence's new band; I came up with that myself.**_

* * *

**Interview of Chaos**

**Chapter 4: Lots o' Questions**

_(The guests are sitting in their chairs. Everyone looks cautious, as if someone were watching them. Clank seems to be the most comfortable. Darla enters from stage right. The cameraman signals that the cameras are rolling.)_

**Darla:** Greetings, everyone! Welcome back to Channel 64's exclusive interview with our favorite heroes and villains of the Solana Galaxy. As we speak, another caller is waiting on the line to ask some questions, so we'll take that call now.

**Caller:** Hello. I have several questions, so I hope you don't mind if I ask them all. **(Thanks to WindGoddessRune for the questions!)**

**Darla:** Not at all.

**Caller:** Ok, the first two are for Ratchet. Which girl do you like the most; Sasha Phyronix, Angela Cross, or Talwyn Apogee?

**Ratchet:** _(blushes)_ Well, you see...

**Clank:** I think that one's pretty obvious. He still has pictures of him and Sasha hanging on his wall. _(winks)_

_(Ratchet's blushes get more visible as he sinks into his chair.)_

**Qwark:** HAHA! Ratchet and Sasha, sitting in a tree-

**Ratchet:** Shut _up_, Qwark!

**Caller:** **(Warning: very minor ACIT spoiler)** Here's question two: a Pirate Radio news report said that Angela Cross was confirmed to be a Lombax and that female Lombaxes do not have tails. Though it could be a lie, I don't really know if it is true or not.

**Ratchet:** Well, your guess is as good as mine. I haven't really met a lot of other Lombaxes. But, I wouldn't trust any stupid pirates. They've screwed me over too many times to count!

**Qwark:** _(whispers to Clank)_ He said screwed... _(snorts)_

_(Clank glares at Qwark and shakes his head.)_

**Caller:** Ok, my next question is for Clank. What is like to be part Zoni and use time power, since your dad is the leader of the Zonis?

**Clank:** Well, it's very interesting. It's quite useful to control time when on a mission. However, I've tried to learn to use it responsibly.

**Ratchet:** Yeah, like an alcoholic!

**Clank & Darla:** _(in unison)_ Ratchet!

**Ratchet:** _(shrugs)_ What? It was just a joke.

**Caller:** So, Qwark, do you visit your parent's grave site often to see them?

**Qwark:** _(eyes start to water)_ My parents? ...Yes, I visit them whenever I get the chance. They're buried in Metropolis. _(cries)_ I'm sorry, it's just hard to accept that I'm the only one who knows the pain of losing parents... _(bursts into tears and puts his head in his hands)_

_(Ratchet growls, looking furious. His ears snap flat against his head as he reaches for his wrench. Clank pushes his hand away and shakes his head.)_

**Ratchet:** _(whispers)_ But Clank, all selfish morons deserve a concussion. Besides, Qwark is overdue for his!

_(Clank sighs. Ratchet gives up and slouches back in his seat with his arms crossed.)_

**Caller:** Darla, how come you don't have a weapon to protect yourself from attacks everywhere?

**Darla:** Well, there's a simple explanation to that-

_(Darla spontaneously explodes.)_

_(Everyone leans forward in their seats and stares at Darla's empty chair with their eyes wide. Nefarious, Qwark, and Ratchet have their mouths hanging open in awe.)_

**Nefarious:** _(speaks quietly, as if he's scared)_ Lawrence, what just happened?

**Lawrence:** _(looking calm and indifferent)_ It seems as if the host just exploded, sir.

**Nefarious:** I can see that! _(stares at chair again)_ Can that happen to me?

**Lawrence:** Only in my dreams, sir.

**Caller:** Nefarious, during your childhood in 9th grade, if Qwark was bullying you so much, why didn't you switch to another school back then?

**Nefarious:** Well, I went to school in Metropolis, which is full of a bunch of first grade flunking blockheads. So, it didn't really matter if I switched schools. In fact, by then I'd already switched schools seven times! And trust me, moving around that much gets old! I was just stuck by the time I had to deal with this twit. _(points at Qwark)_

**Qwark:** I didn't know you moved so much. Why did you move from the others?

**Nefarious:** Why do you think, you imbecile?! Because morons like you always gave me a hard time!

**Qwark:** Who were the others?

**Nefarious:** Let's see, there was John Quincy Qwark, Lucius Von Qwark, Steve McQwark, Finnegan O'Qwarksalot, Herschel Qwarkenstein, Walter Qwarkowski, and Stefan Qwarkanopolus. _(looks thoughtful and crosses arms)_ Now that I think about it, they were all very fat, self-absorbed morons with an unhealthy obsession for the color green...

_(Ratchet and Clank start snorting, trying not to laugh. Qwark is looking around, as if he didn't hear anything.)_

**Caller:** And finally, I'd like to say to Lawrence that it's really cool that you are in a rock band. You must be enjoying being a rocker.

**Lawrence:** Thank you for your compliment, I feel privileged to have finally received one. And yes, I quite enjoy being a rocker. I think you'll be interested to know that I've formed a new band since I got off of that asteroid. I call it "30 Nanoseconds to Aridia".

_(Darla suddenly appears, making everyone jump.)_

**Ratchet:** _(looking astounded and a bit frightened)_ Where'd she come from?!

**Darla:** Alright, thank you for your questions! And now, we have one more call before our next commercial break. _(talking to caller)_ So, what is your question?

**Caller:** Um, hello. I was just wondering what everyone's weapon of choice is.

**Ratchet:** Oh, that's easy! Besides my trusty wrench, the RYNO is my favorite! I've beaten every villain's sorry ass with that thing, especially this nimrod. _(points thumb at Nefarious)_

**Nefarious:** _(shaking with rage)_ You'll wish you never said that, squishy! My weapon of choice, the Rainbow Afrolizer, would stomp your pathetic RYNO. You'll be too embarrassed to even remember what a trigger is!

**Clank:** _(ignoring Nefarious)_ Hmm, I found all of my secret agent weapons to be useful. _(pauses to think)_ I guess I'd have to say the Tie-A-Rang was probably my favorite because it was so easy to disguise. Villain's are always so gullible. _(insert Clank's signature laugh)_

**Qwark:** Who needs weapons? I've got these! _(holds up fists)_

**Ratchet:** But you use weapons all the time!

**Qwark:** Well, I have to use weapons sometimes! Some poses look so much better with a gun. _(grins)_

_(Ratchet sighs.)_

**Darla:** Lawrence, do you have a favorite weapon?

**Lawrence:** Quite a few, ma'am. There's the Spiked Feather Duster, the Laundry Detergent Bomb, the Vacuum of Endless Misery, oh, and the Broom of Doom.

**Ratchet:** _(whispers to Clank)_ I've never heard of any of those...

**Clank:** _(looking confused)_ Neither have I.

**Qwark:** Remind me to never go to his house...

**Darla:** Alright, we have to go to commercial now, but we won't be gone long. Keep sending us your questions!

* * *

_So, I again apologize for the late update, but I hope this chapter made up for the wait. =)_

_Oh, just a quick explanation of Lawrence's new band. For those of you who didn't get the joke, 30 Nanoseconds to Aridia is a parody of the band 30 Seconds to Mars._

_Just to remind everyone, I'm accepting questions from anyone who wishes to ask them. Just leave them in the review or PM me. Thanks! =)_

_EDIT: So, I mistakenly called the "Rainbow Afrolizer" a "Rainbow Afronator". I apologize for this confusion. Thank you, ITman496, for catching this!_


	5. The Return of Skrunch

_Author's Note: Special thanks to WindGoddessRune for more questions. I couldn't answer all of them in this chapter, but I answered a few. I promise to answer the rest in the next couple chapters. =)_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Ratchet and Clank. Insomniac Games does. **_

* * *

**Interview of Chaos**

**Chapter 5: The Return of Skrunch**

_(The cameramen look busy fixing the camera angles, lighting, and microphones. For once, the guests look calm. Ratchet and Clank are chatting about nothing in particular while Qwark tries to eavesdrop. Nefarious is sharing ideas about world domination with Lawrence, who looks unamused, as usual.)_

**Ratchet:** So, how did Darla Gratch come back to life? Any ideas?

_(Before Clank can answer, a stagehand walks past the guests. He's pushing a cart full of Darla clones. Everyone falls silent and stares at him until he disappears backstage. The silence continues as the guests all give each other looks of astonishment.)_

**Clank:** Well, there's your answer...

_(One of the Darla's emerges from stage right. The guests turn away from each other, focusing on the strange news reporter. She walks calmly across the room and takes a seat. The closest cameraman signals to let her know the cameras are rolling.)_

**Darla:** Welcome back to our exclusive interview! We're ready to take more calls, so please feel free to ask questions.

**Ratchet:** _(Raises his hand shyly)_ Umm...actually, I have a question.

**Darla:** _(Looking surprised)_ Really? Well, ok, go ahead.

**Ratchet:** We just saw someone pass by with a huge amount of robot clones of yourself. _(Looks overwhelmed)_ Why are there so many Darla's?!

**Darla:** _(Giggles)_ Oh, you see, we need clones. The Darla Gratch model is one of the weakest robots in the galaxy. We were built to talk, not to fight, so we don't require any defensive upgrades. So when one of us malfunctions or breaks, there's another Darla to take our place.

**Lawrence:** _(Turns to Nefarious)_ Perhaps you would benefit having clones as well, sir. It would help with your little...problem.

**Nefarious:** _(Looking furious)_ What problem?!

_(Skrunch appears suddenly and drops down from the ceiling, landing squarely on Nefarious' head.)_

**Nefarious:** What the...?! Get it off me, Lawrence! Why are you just sitting there? Don't laugh at me! LAAAWWWR-

_(Nefarious freezes with his arms half way up and his mouth hanging wide open. The radio in his brain begins to pick up a signal.)_

**Lance:** You can't leave me, Janice! Who would be a better fit for you than me?

**Janice:** As a matter of fact, my Thyrranoid friend here is a thousand times better than you!

_(The Thyrranoid makes an odd gurgling noise.)_

**Lance:** ...What?

_(Skrunch, who had been sniffing Nefarious' head, becomes startled by the noise. He shrieks, smacks Nefarious' head, and jumps to the ground.)_

**Nefarious:** -RRREENNNCCCEE! Why won't you help me?! _(He pauses and looks up. Then he glances to his left, where Skrunch is cowering in terror.)_ ...Never mind... _(He sits down and sighs.)_

**Darla:** _(Looking slightly alarmed)_ Well, that was...odd. But it gave us enough time to receive a call!

**Caller:** Hello. My question is for all the guests. What do you consider to be your major flaw?

**Qwark:** _(Looking offended)_ Flaw? I, Captain Qwark, can never be associated with flaws! Why, that word doesn't even exist in my vocabulary!

**Ratchet:** _(Glances at Qwark)_ But that is your flaw; not being able to admit you have tons of them! _(Turns away from an angry looking Qwark)_ Anyway, I think my flaw is that I have a tendency to let my emotions get the best of me.

_(Clank nods enthusiastically. Ratchet gives him a sideways glance and raises an eyebrow. Clank smiles, and turns toward the camera.)_

**Clank:** _(Looks thoughtful)_ I suppose my major flaw could be that I have a low self-esteem. _(Smiles)_ I'm getting better, though.

**Qwark:** _(Pats Clank on the back)_ Aww...poor guy. I could help you out, ya know. I have a great book that describes the tricks on how I stay so cool when facing certain death!

**Clank:** _(Looks doubtful)_ I'm sorry Qwark, but I highly doubt that you have enough focus to write a credible novel.

_(Qwark isn't paying attention; he's watching Skrunch intently as he pokes an annoyed looking cameraman. Qwark slowly gets up, crosses the room, and joins Skrunch in poking the cameraman.)_

**Ratchet:** _(laughs)_ Well, I guess that proves your point, Clank.

_(Clank nods, relieved that Qwark found someone else to annoy.)_

**Nefarious:** I think my flaw is that I never have any free time. I know that planning world domination leaves no spare time, but sometimes I'd give anything to sit down, relax, and watch Lance and Janice.

**Lawrence:** Yes, because everyone knows you never get a chance to pay attention to Lance and Janice. _(Turns to camera)_ My flaw is that I never give an effort to spend time with more astute people. _(Sounds depressed)_ I think my companion's lack of brain cells is starting to affect me as well.

_(Nefarious, as usual, doesn't seem to comprehend Lawrence's insult. He's staring at Qwark and Skrunch, who are still torturing the cameraman.)_

**Darla:** Ok, thank you for the question. We have another incoming call, so we'll take this one as well.

**Caller:** Hello, I have several questions. **(Special thanks to WindGoddessRune for the questions!)** So Qwark, how come you were in the 9th grade when you were 26 years old there?

**Nefarious:** Because he's a MORON! _(Laughs evilly)_

**Qwark:** _(Looking offended)_ I am not! I'm just a little slow, that's all... At least that's what my counselor told me...

**Caller:** Qwark, why did you bully Nefarious in 9th grade? He doesn't seem to be the type to bother you.

**Qwark:** Because he's a dork. _(Grins)_ And besides, he refused to help me with my math homework. _(Crosses arms and glares accusingly at Nefarious.)_

**Nefarious:** _(Sighs, smacks his head, and closes his eyes)_ It was only addition you moron...

**Caller:** Darla, which is your favorite planet to go on a vacation?

**Darla:** Definitely Pokitaru! Who doesn't like that planet? It's so beautiful, and the citizens are very friendly. _(Adds excitedly)_ I've only been destroyed there twice!

**Caller:** Nefarious, have you ever met the female robot of your dreams?

**Nefarious:** _(Crosses arms, looking serious)_ Well first of all, I don't dream-

**Lawrence:** That's a good thing, sir. I can't imagine how much more fatuous you would be if you did dream.

**Nefarious:** _(Looks approvingly at Lawrence)_ Right! Dreaming is pointless! _(Turns back to the camera)_ Now for the rest of your question, I don't have time for romance. I can think of much better things to do than to follow a female robot like a dog!

**Lawrence:** You mean, sir, that you just don't have the luck and talent to follow a female robot. A dog, sir, would be much more successful.

**Caller:** Lawrence, were you created by Nefarious or hired by him?

**Lawrence:** _(Looking disturbed)_ Oh, I was definitely hired by him. If I had been created by him, that would have been an insult to injury. _(Shudders)_

**Caller:** Lawrence, how have you managed to stay sane with Nefarious all this time?

**Lawrence:** _(Sighs)_ My friend, not even I know the answer to that question. _(Thinks)_ I suppose the free connection to Lance and Janice helps, though.

**Nefarious:** Free connection? Since when? _(Whines)_ Lawrence, why don't you tell me these things?!

**Lawrence:** I didn't say anything about a free connection, sir. Perhaps we should check your hearing again; you might have caught a virus.

**Darla:** Alright, I'm afraid that's all the questions we can take for now. Be sure to stay tuned for-

_(Skrunch shrieks and throws himself at Darla. Darla screams and runs backstage while everyone else jumps onto their chairs. Skrunch looks around, notices a camera and leaps on it.)_

**Cameraman:** Get him off! _(Gasps)_ Oh no, don't let him chew on the cables!

_(Cameramen start yelling, but the noise is cut off when all the cameras show static.)_

* * *

_I hope this was an entertaining chapter. I plan on posting another chapter or two this week, but I can't promise anything. Anyway, R&R please._


	6. A Flood of Questions

_Author's Note: Finally, another chapter! lol So, things didn't go as planned for me; I was hoping I'd be uploading Chapter 7 by now, but life got in the way, as usual. -.- Anyway, I was able to answer some more questions from some of my favorite readers, but there were so many that I couldn't answer all of them; I just chose the ones I could answer quickly. xD So, special thanks to WindGoddess Rune, dragonscale876, and Hera Ledro for leaving me questions. If I haven't answered them in this chapter, then I promise to fit them in during the next one!_

_Oh, and I've changed the format of my writing a little. Instead of writing "Caller" as the speaker all the time, I've decided to use pen names instead, except if I came up with the questions myself. Please give me your feedback on this new idea!_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Ratchet and Clank. Insomniac Games does.**_

* * *

**Interview of Chaos**

**Chapter 6: A Flood of Questions**

_(The room is filled with chaos. The cameraman are scurrying around, fixing broken cameras and snapped wires. One cameraman holds a very angry and rambunctious Skrunch while trying to stuff him into a pet carrier. The guests sit quietly and wide-eyed in their seats. After several minutes, Darla appears from stage right. The cameras that survived Skrunch's attack start rolling.)_

**Darla:** Hello, everyone! We've received a lot of questions lately, so we're going to jump straight to our first caller.

**WindGoddess Rune:** I have several questions. Ratchet, how scary was the way Alister Azimuth looked at you after Clank save your life? It'd sure scare the crap of me and that!

**Ratchet:** It was pretty damn terrifying! I mean come on, he was one pissed off Lombax! I dare anyone to try looking him in the eye without getting chills! _(Shivers)_

**Qwark:** _(Raises his hand)_ ...I bet I could do it.

**WindGoddess Rune:** What is it like to have the Zoni you captured during ACIT as company?

**Ratchet:** It was really weird at first. They were the reason my best friend was kidnapped! But then I thought I'd try to gain their trust so they could lead me Clank. I guess it kinda worked, too. _(Shrugs)_

**WindGoddess Rune:** If Percival Tachyon were ever to return and try to hunt you and Clank, would you kill him for good?

**Ratchet:** Well, I hope he doesn't return at all; he was such a pain in the ass! But if he does, then yeah, I'll try my best to kill him.

**Clank:** _(Puts a hand on his chin and looks thoughtful)_ I do think it is improbable for him to return. He _did _fall on a meteor, after all.

_(Nefarious snickers.)_

**WindGoddess Rune:** Is it possible that there are other hidden Lombaxes in your dimension?

**Ratchet:** I certainly hope so! Being one of the last of your kind can get pretty lonely, ya know?

**Qwark:** _(Pats Ratchet's shoulder)_ I know how you feel, buddy.

**Ratchet:** _(Growls)_ Don't...touch...me... And don't call me buddy!

**WindGoddess Rune:** Clank, What is it like to see your father for the first time and would you've learned more about him if Nefarious hadn't captured him?

**Clank:** To be honest, it was incredibly surprising to find out that I had a father. And yes, I would have loved to get to know him better if I would have had the chance.

**WindGoddess Rune:** Would you visit the Great Clock again to see how Sigmund is doing after you find the other Lombaxes with Ratchet?

**Clank:** _(Looks slightly confused)_ Hmmm...by "visit" do you mean temporarily or permanently? I think I would definitely pay him a visit, but I can't guarantee that the visit would be permanent.

**WindGoddess Rune:** Darla, what do you think of Juanita Alvaro and Dallas Wanamaker of Vox News?

**Darla:** _(Looks angry)_ Oh, don't even get me started on those two! They've tried to steal my job on several occasions! And both of them are just plain rude; Dallas has insulted me based on the fact that I'm a robot and Juanita has made fun of my coverage on stories, saying that I focus my viewers' attention away from the story when I get attacked by something. But of course that's not true, is it? _(Looks quickly at the guests)_

**Ratchet:** _(Raises hands submissively)_ What? Of course not! Your stories are always so...interesting.

_(Everyone nods vigorously in agreement. Darla breaths a sigh of relief and settles down.)_

**WindGoddess Rune:** Ok, last question. Nefarious, have you encountered any Cragmites during your spirit traveling?

**Nefarious:** _(Sits up quickly, as if he's interested)_ What's a Cragmite?

**Lawrence:** I suppose that answers your question.

**Darla:** Alright, thank you for the questions! Now, on to the next caller!

**dragonscale876:** Hello, I also have several questions. My first one is for Clank. Dude! Why did you stop Ratchet from hitting Qwark? A good knock upside the head might, and I use that term loosely, help him. **(See Chapter 4 if you're confused.)**

**Clank:** I agree that it would have probably helped not only Qwark, but everyone else as well. However, Qwark seemed so miserable at the time, that I did not think it would have been the smartest idea. And besides, Darla wishes for us to behave, although we have been very unsuccessful so far...

**Ratchet:** _(In a sarcastic tone)_ What are you talking about? We've been perfect guests!

_(Clank puts his hands on his hips and glares at Ratchet. Ratchet turns away from him, looking at the ceiling innocently while drumming his fingers on his legs.)_

**dragonscale876:** Clank, what was it like playing a secret agent?

**Clank:** Oh, it was so much fun! It is nice be the main character sometimes. _(Glances mischievously at Ratchet, who raises an eyebrow)_ However, it can be slightly disturbing; you don't even want to see some of the fan letters I get... _(Shudders)_

**Ratchet:** _(Looking curious)_ Which one was the weirdest?

**Clank:** _(Looking reluctant to answer)_ Well, there was one letter that said something along the lines of, 'Drop the good-guy gig and join me in conquering the universe'. It was signed Neffy...

_(Nefarious fidgets in his seat.)_

**dragonscale876:** Ratchet, did you ever think you would wind up becoming a hero when you were a kid?

**Ratchet:** You know, I never thought too much about what I wanted to be. I always thought I'd just be a mechanic because I'm good at that, you know? All I knew for sure was that I was going to find some way to get off of Veldin.

**dragonscale876:** Qwark, why must you take credit for what other heroes *cough* Ratchet and Clank*cough* have done? Do you feel that inadequate?

**Qwark:** _(Looks stubborn)_ I don't even know what you're talking about. If you're asking if they're my side-kicks, then no, they're not. I don't need one. _(Grins)_ However, I have boosted their popularity rating by being friends with them!

**Ratchet:** Our popularity doesn't really matter. _(Glares at Qwark)_ And besides, I doubt we'd be very popular if this oaf was our crime fighting partner.

**Nefarious:** For once, I agree with the Lombax.

**Darla:** Alright, we're ready to take the next caller.

**Hera Ledro:** My first question is for Clank. What did you feel when Ratchet was killed by Alister?

**Clank:** Well, at first I did not believe what I had just seen. Then I felt miserable and extremely angry all at the same time. By the way Ratchet had spoken highly of the General, I thought he could be trusted. But, apparently, he was the most unworthy of our trust.

**Hera Ledro:** So Ratchet, I assume that by Qwark's presence, you saved him from Snowball. WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU DO THAT TO US?! He would have been far better off in the stomach of a War Grok.

**Ratchet:** Umm...well, I agree with you, but I didn't save him. I actually have no idea how he escaped.

**Qwark:** I escaped by myself! I just used my brain to outwit the beast, and then I hitch-hiked until a taxi driver picked me up.

**Clank:** _(Looking confused)_ ....You can hitch-hike on an asteroid?

**Nefarious:** _(Looking distraught)_ What?! How could that have worked for you and not me?!

**Hera Ledro:** Ratchet, do you think you'll ever find out anything about your father? With Alister dead, you don't have many connections to your past, and Insomniac left a lot of questions concerning Kaden unanswered.

**Ratchet:** _(Looking hopeful)_ Well, if everything goes as planned, then I'll be able to find out as much as possible about him. That's if I can find the Lombaxes, of course.

**Darla:** Alright, that's all the questions we can answer today. Tune in next time for-

**Nefarious:** NOOOO! You can't end it yet! I have a question for the green monkey over there! How did you get off that asteroid?!

**Qwark:** ...I already gave you the answer! I hitch-hiked.

**Nefarious:** But HOW?! I tried that too!

**Qwark:** _(Looking mischievous)_ Maybe they didn't pick you up because your ugly mug scared them away.

**Nefarious:** QWAAAARRRK!!!!! You'll pay for that! _(Pulls out a pistol)_

**Darla:** Oh crap! Shut off the cameras! Quick!

_(All cameras cut quickly to commercial.)_

* * *

  
_So, is my new format better than the old one? I was confusing myself with it; I kept writing "Caller" instead of the pen name. lol_

_By the way, if you're interested, I have a poll up on my profile page concerning the characters. I'd just like to know which characters you'd like to see in this fic; I'm already running out of ideas for these ones. I might swap them around a little; i.e. Qwark or Nefarious might be replaced temporarily with other characters, like Azimuth or Sasha. So, if you'd like to add your opinion, then please visit my profile and vote. (FYI, you can only vote for up to two choices.) Thanks for reading! R&R please!_


	7. Lawrence's Master Plan

_Author's Note: Well, here's the 7th chapter. I'm surprised at how many people have read my fic already; I didn't think it was going to be this popular! Special thanks to dragonscale876 for the questions. And I'd also like to thank those who have checked out my poll already; if you haven't yet, then please visit my profile page, it'll only take a second! =)_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Ratchet and Clank. All rights to the series are reserved to Insomniac Games.**_

* * *

**Interview of Chaos**

**Chapter 7: Lawrence's Master Plan**

_(The room seems fairly calm, for once; though it is most likely due to the absence of Qwark and Nefarious. Ratchet, Clank, and Lawrence are sitting peacefully in their chairs. All of them have a bored look on their faces.)_

**Ratchet:** So, is it like this with Nefarious a lot?

**Lawrence:** Oh, yes. I can't even count how many times we've been banned from public places because of his insolence. We are now forbidden from entering 32 coffee shops, 12 convenience stores, 68 mechanic shops, and 41 musician superstores.

**Clank:** _(Looking curious but reluctant to talk)_ What did he do at the musician superstores?

**Lawrence:** Let's just say that he's smashed enough guitars to the point that it is considered a crime punishable by jail time.

_(Darla, Nefarious, and Qwark enter from stage right. Darla looks furious while Nefarious and Qwark follow behind her with half bewildered, half terrified looks.)_

**Qwark:** _(Whispers to Nefarious)_ Did you know she could get that scary?

**Nefarious:** No. I never even thought it would be possible to be that angry about anything.

**Darla:** _(Turns to nearest cameraman)_ Alright, everything's settled. You can start rolling.

_(All the cameras come to life as the three take their seats.)_

**Darla:** _(Looking oddly cheerful)_ Good day, viewers! First off, I apologize for our guests' rude behavior; I have corrected their attitudes, so they will now be on their best behavior. _(She shoots a glare at Nefarious and Qwark, who both sit a little straighter than usual while wearing looks of horror.)_ So, now that that's out of the way, we're ready to take our first call.

**dragonscale876:** Clank, were you happy to see Ratchet again after being seperated for so long?

**Clank:** Of course I was happy. Actually, ecstatic might be a better word.

**Ratchet:** _(Looking touched)_ Aw, you really care about me that much?

**Clank:** _(Looking mischeivious)_ Oh yes. You see, losing Ratchet was like losing the TV controller; you feel desperate without it and when you finally find it, you become so excited because now you have a device to work for you rather than having to work yourself. TV controllers and Ratchet are both so convenient. _(insert Clank's signature laugh)_

**Ratchet:** _(Looking unamused)_ Oh, thanks. I feel so special now that I've been compared to a remote... _(Crosses arms)_

**dragonscale876:** Okay this one is for both Ratchet and Clank. First off, you guys are awesome! What is your favorite memory from your adventures?

**Clank:** Well, for me it was when we beat Chairman Drek. There's nothing quite like the feeling of accomplishing your first goal.

**Ratchet:** My favorite memories are any of the times that we've beaten or made fun of Qwark. _(Grins)_

**Qwark:** _(Looking both hurt and slightly mad)_ Hey! Why do you always pick on me? I'm not that bad of a guy, you know!

**Ratchet:** _(Holding back laughter)_ Maybe it's because you always leave yourself open to negative criticism. And besides, there are so many jokes that not telling them would be a waste.

**dragonscale876:** Ratchet, what was going through your mind when Clank was taken by the Zoni?

**Ratchet:** Well, when they first appeared, I was astounded. I thought Clank was just making them up! But once they started taking him away, then I felt intensely angry; I mean, they had no right to just snatch him like that! When he was actually gone, I felt so empty and helpless. I kept blaming myself by saying, 'Great, now you'll never get him back'...

**Clank:** _(Looking sad as he pats Ratchet's arm)_ It was never your fault, you know. _(Smiles at Ratchet)_

**Ratchet:** _(Smiles back)_ Thanks Clank.

**Nefarious:** _(Makes a gagging noise)_ Ugh, if I were a squishie, I'd be vomiting right now.

_(Ratchet and Clank both throw looks of hatred at Nefarious.)_

**dragonscale876:** Nefarious, why didn't you stand up to Qwark? I know he's bigger but there was no way he was smarter than you. Outwit him, its easy!

**Nefarious:** Oh, I'm fully aware of the size and intelligence difference. It's just that I'd rather not waste my time by spending it trying to insult that miserable oaf. Outwitting idiots doesn't really prove anything, now does it? _(Chuckles)_

**dragonscale876:** Lawrence, first off, dude you are hilarious. Smart allek attitude is epic win! Now how do you put up with Nefarious, seriously!

**Lawrence:** Well, it's usually difficult to put up with him, but I do recommend using earmuffs, or some other device to muffle sound, when you're within hearing distance of him. If you don't have anything like that, then try not to listen to closely. Trust me, you'll thank me later for being the savior of your intelligence.

**dragonscale876:** If you could be anything, what would you be? Other than a rocker, which is so cool by the way.

**Lawrence:** Well, now that's a tough question. _(Thinks for a long moment)_ I guess I'd like to be a super villian, rather than the butler of a mediocre villian. _(His eyes seem to brighten a bit)_ I'd be called 'Professor Chemical Tragedy'. _(Speaks in an excited tone)_ Did you know that if you mix certain household cleaning solutions, you can actually create a massive explosion? Here's what you do-

**Darla:** Hold it! No, no, no, you can't be giving out instructions on how to make bombs on live television! Are you crazy?!

**Lawrence:** Only slightly, miss. But not as insane as the robot sitting beside me. _(Points to Nefarious)_

**Nefarious:** What did you just say?! LAAAWWWRRR-

_(Nefarious' head, yet again, picks up a strange radio signal.)_

**Janice:** Lance! I'm sorry for breaking up with you! Please, let's get back together!

**Lance:** What happened to that Thyrranoid?

**Janice:** Oh, he broke up with me, so I pushed him off a cliff.

**Lance:** ...Ok then...

_(While everyone stares in awe at Nefarious' head, Lawrence pulls out several bottles of chemicals. He begins dumping each into a seperate bottle. Once he finishes mixing the fatal solution, he throws the bottle at Nefarious. The bottle explodes into a cloud of multi-colored bubbles, which begin to float across the room.)_

**Nefarious:** -REEENNNCCCEE! _(He blinks several times, as if confused)_ Lawrence? Why am I surrounded by pink and purple bubbles?

**Lawrence:** Oh, I'm not entirely sure, sir. Do you require assistance in escaping from the rabid pack of metal-eating bubbles?

_(Nefarious doesn't realize that Lawrence was joking. A look of pure terror appears on his face.)_

**Nefarious:** Metal-eating?! (His voice raises to a squeak) Lawrence! Help me! _(He begins to jump around, trying his best to avoid the soapy villians.)_

_(Darla, Ratchet, and Clank all have on mixed looks of confusion and amusement as they watch Nefarious dance through the cloud of bubbles. Meanwhile, Qwark and Skrunch run around the room, giggling as they pop every bubble they happen to see.)_

**Clank:** _(Looking slightly disturbed)_ I am not even sure whether I should be laughing or running away.

**Ratchet:** I empathize with you, pal.

**Darla:** _(Looking disappointed and a little depressed)_ Alright, I think this is a good opportunity to take a commercial break... Join us next time for another _thrilling_ installment of our interview...  


* * *

_lol Poor Darla, I kinda feel bad for picking on her so much. xD_

_So, just to remind everyone, I'm still accepting questions. Just leave the question along with the character you'd like to ask in a review, or you could PM me if you prefer that. And also, don't forget to check out that poll on my profile; it concerns the characters that I will include in this fic. Just pick your two favs. =)_

_Thanks for reading! Review please!_


	8. Special Chapter 1: Jasindu

_Author's Note: Ok, so this chapter doesn't have the interview in it; instead I've written a commercial idea. I'm sure you've wondered what the commercials are like; and Darla cuts for commercials quite often! So, I've decided that I will randomly add special chapters which focus on a commercial. Let me know if you enjoyed this one!_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Ratchet and Clank. The rights are reserved by Insomniac Games.**_

* * *

**Interview of Chaos**

**Commercial Chapter 1: Jasindu**

_(The TV shows a picture of a fairly large blue and green planet.)_

**Advertiser:** Searching for a beautiful vacation spot? Look no further! Planet Jasindu is the most gorgeous and fun-filled planet in the entire galaxy!

_(Screen shows a shot of Kerchu City and its jungle surroundings.)_

**Advertiser:** Kerchu City, the capitol, is filled with plenty of activities to amuse the entire family! As a matter of fact, we have recently completed our new amusement park. Our entertaining activities there are limitless! There's Hide-and-Seek-From-the-Deadly-Kerchu for the kids, Dodge the Flamethrower Wielding Beast for the adults, and the whole family can fit in some bonding time by participating in our monthly Invader Death Chase!

_(Screen changes to a picture of the dense jungle.)_

**Advertiser:** If you aren't a city person, then we also have endless recreational possibilities in Jasindu's wondrous jungles! A scenic hike through the beautiful jungle, bottomless swamps filled with pretty fishies, and a 12 mile deep canyon is a guaranteed delight! And the wildlife is anything but boring. Leviathans, Cerullean Swarmers, and Cerullean Centipedes are just a few examples of the exotic species that inhabit this fascinating planet.

_(Screen shows a picture of a pack of angry looking Kerchu chasing a small group of terrified tourists.)_

**Advertiser:** So, now that you know of this lovely hunk of rock, make sure to book your flight to Jasindu now! If you plan your vacation by using our website, jasindu is not full of man eating kerchu (dot) com, then we'll give you a free coffee maker to enjoy while on your trip! So, what are you doing just sitting there? Visit our website and book today! An excited welcoming party of friendly Kerchu are eagerly awaiting your arrival!

Warning: The Kerchu are not friendly. Do not come within 600 feet of one, or you will be promptly disintegrated. And don't go wandering into the jungle, everything in there (even the plants) have voracious appetites. Also, we aren't giving away free coffee pots; it's a scam to get you to visit this miserable planet. We need money too, you know!

* * *

_Well, I really enjoyed writing this. It's a good break from the main plot of the interview. So, tell me what you think; feedback is greatly appreciated. =)_


	9. Aphelion's Biggest Fan

_Author's Note: So, this chapter is a little different. One of my readers has requested that their OC be in this chapter so he can personally ask the questions. So, I'm now offering OC guest stars to be added to my fic. If you have an OC and you'd like it to ask your questions in my fic, then just let me know and I'll do my best to fit him/her in. Special thanks to ITman496 for the questions (and the ideas). R&R =)_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Ratchet and Clank, Insomniac Games does. And I do not own Aero, ITman496 does.**_

* * *

**Interview of Chaos**

**Chapter 8: Aphelion's Biggest Fan**

_(The guests are sitting patiently in their chairs. Ratchet, Clank, and Lawrence look bored but calm. Nefarious looks shaky, as if he just survived armageddon. Qwark and Skrunch are both hopping as they sit, as if they've been hyped up on sugar and coffee. All of them stare at the remaining colorful bubbles as they float by harmlessly; although Nefarious ducks down whenever one gets too close. An exhausted looking Darla enters from stage right.)_

**Darla:** _(Walks slowly to the guests)_ Just to warn you, we have a special guest coming today. His name is Aero and you _will_ behave around him! _(Shoots warning glances at all the guests)_

_(Everyone nods their heads in agreement.)_

**Darla:** Alright, let's just get this over with...

_(Darla carelessly waves her hand at the nearest cameraman, who hurriedly turns the cameras on.)_

**Darla:** _(Sounding unusually cheerful)_ Hello viewers! We're back to continue our interview. Today we have a special guest. He is ITman496's OC, Aero. He has come today to ask our guests questions.

_(A young human boy timidly enters from stage right and takes a seat between Darla and Ratchet.)_

**Darla:** Hello, Aero. You may ask your questions whenever you're ready.

**Aero:** _(Looks toward Ratchet)_ Ratchet, would you change Aphelion back to her original form?

**Ratchet:** You mean the old red one? Maybe, but that would be a lot of work to change her back, unless I ask the Zoni for help. But, I don't even know if they'd change her back. They're a little weird...

_(Clank glares at Ratchet.)_

**Ratchet:** _(Looking innocent)_ What did I do? It's just my opinion...

**Aero:** _(Still looking at Ratchet)_ How scared were you when you were plummeting towards the planet, while Aphelion was listing system after system that you needed to land was failing?

**Ratchet:** Well, at first I tried to pretend I wasn't scared, but Qwark's screaming didn't help me one bit. _(Looks accusingly at Qwark)_ Stupid Qwark...

**Qwark:** Well, I wasn't the only one screaming! You were screaming like a little girl!

**Ratchet:** _(Looking angry)_ Was not! And besides, the only reason I was screaming was because you were, you moron!

**Clank:** _(Whispers to Aero)_ How about we just agree that they both have as much courage as a Fongoid?

_(Ratchet and Qwark both give Clank dirty looks as he and Aero laugh.)_

**Aero:** Ratchet, do you think it hurt Aphelion when she was torn apart during the crash landing?

**Ratchet:** _(Smiles)_ Why don't I invite Aphelion over so you can ask her yourself? If that's ok with Darla... _(Looks questioningly at Darla)_

**Darla:** _(Looking tired and a little irritable)_ I don't care what you do anymore... _(Waves hand at Ratchet)_

**Ratchet:** Alright, then.

_(Ratchet presses a button on his nav unit and waits patiently. Everyone, except Darla, looks around the room expectantly. Nothing happens.)_

**Nefarious:** _(He finally seems to be comfortable again)_ What? Isn't something suppose to happen now, or are you just-

_(A large, blue ship warps into the room; appearing very close to where Nefarious is sitting. Nefarious yells and falls out of his seat.)_

**Aphelion:** _(Sounding unamused)_ What do you want, Ratchet? I was trying to recharge my batteries, you know.

**Ratchet:** We were wondering if you could answer some questions. _(Points to Aero)_

**Aphelion:** Oh, ok then. I guess I could spare a few minutes.

_(Aero repeates the question to Aphelion.)_

**Aphelion:** Of course it hurt! At least, when my first wing snapped off, it hurt. But right when I hit the ground, my CPU disconnected because of the rough landing. So, after that I didn't feel a thing.

**Qwark:** I wish my CPU had disconnected when we hit the ground...

**Ratchet:** _(Rolls eyes)_ You don't have a CPU, stupid.

**Aero:** Which of your forms do you prefer, since firepower wise, it would be easy to make them both equal. Your original red form, or your new blue form?

**Aphelion:** Well, my new form is nice. I love the greater selection of firepower. But, I miss my old look, too. Nothing beats the original, you know?

**Aero:** _(Turns to Clank)_ Clank, why do the Zoni seem so simple minded? Like how they just say small things and repeat them as if they are not really 'there'?

**Clank:** They are not really simple minded, at least I do not think so. They are very intelligent. But remember, they are hive minded, which means that they can not think straightly if they are seperated. So, when you have three million Zoni that have their minds connected, it would probably be pretty hard to get more than a few words out.

**Ratchet:** I can guarantee that they're much smarter than Qwark though. _(Winks at Aero)_

**Qwark:** Hey! Quit making fun of me!

_(Ratchet laughs.)_

**Aero:** Nefarious, why is your voice so screwed up since the 3rd game?

**Nefarious:** Screwed up? What are you talking about, child?! There's nothing wrong with me!

**Lawrence:** _(Leans toward Aero and whispers)_ It's because of a short circuit in his brain. I'm not quite sure how to fix it. And besides, it is more entertaining to leave him this way.

**Nefarious:** _(Raises an eyebrow at Lawrence)_ What are you saying to him, Lawrence?

**Lawrence:** _(Leans back and looks at Nefarious)_ Oh, nothing sir. I was just warning him to not criticize you.

**Nefarious:** That's right! Don't criticize me! I don't usually harm children, but I will if I have to!

**Ratchet:** You couldn't harm an adult, Nefarious. I'm sure this kid has enough brains to easily outsmart you.

_(Nefarious growls at Ratchet. He begins to reach towards his pistol.)_

**Darla:** _(She finally seems to be paying attention and rushes towards Nefarious)_ Oh, no, we'll have none of that! Don't you dare touch that gun!

_(Nefarious smirks and pokes the gun.)_

**Darla:** Don't toy with me!

**Nefarious:** Too late.

_(Darla tries to pry the gun away from Nefarious, who tries his best to not let her have it. Several cameramen and stagehands dash over to assist their struggling companion. A couple of them walk towards Aero and begin to escort him safely out of the room.)_

**Qwark:** _(Waves at Aero and speaks loudly over the commotion)_ Thanks for visiting and asking us questions! Come back soon!

* * *

_So, how did this idea work? Let me know. _

_Don't forget to submit any questions you have. And if you haven't answered my poll question, please check that out. Thanks for reading. Now, review please!_


	10. Guest Stars Galore

_Author's Note: Well, this will be a very long chapter. I've received a lot of questions lately, so I've decided to try to fit all of them in this chapter. Anyway, special thanks to ITman496, WindGoddess Rune, Wrenchy, and PSManiac for leaving me plenty of questions. I really do appreciate it. =) R&R please._

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Ratchet and Clank, Insomniac Games does. Aero belongs to ITman496, and Wrenchy/Eileen belongs to Wrenchy. I do not own any rights to either of these characters.**_

* * *

**Interview of Chaos**

**Chapter 9: Guest Stars Galore**

_(All the guests are sitting patiently, as usual. However, Nefarious seems uncomfortable, as his hands have been tied behind his back. He keeps glancing around furiously, as if daring someone to laugh. Whenever he looks away, Ratchet and Qwark both point at him and silently pretend to laugh hysterically. After a few minutes, Darla enters from stage right.)_

**Darla:** _(Looks at Nefarious)_ So, have you learned your lesson?

**Nefarious:** _(Speaks as if reluctant)_ ...Yes. Now untie me, you worthless pile of scrap metal!

_(Darla looks hesitant for a split second, but she shrugs the feeling away as she unties the maniacal robot. Nefarious rubs his wrists and glares once more at everyone else.)_

**Darla:** _(Sighs)_ Alright, roll the cameras.

_(All cameramen comply by turning on every working camera and aiming their shot at the guests.)_

**Darla:** Welcome back, everyone! We have a busy day today, as we have received plenty of new questions. We have also planned two guest star appearances. One of them is our previous guest, Aero. So, we'll bring him out now. _(Waves to a stagehand, who disappears quickly.)_

_(Aero enters from stage right, along with the stagehand, who hurriedly returns to his seat behind the cameramen.)_

**Darla:** Welcome back, Aero! You may ask your questions whenever you're ready.

**Ratchet:** Hold on, do you need me to call Aphelion again?

_(Aero nods enthusiastically.)_

**Ratchet:** Okay.

_(Ratchet presses a button on his nav unit and waits. After a few seconds, the big, blue ship appears near Nefarious again. Nefarious jumps slightly, but manages to stay in his chair this time.)_

**Aphelion:** Hello again.

**Aero:** _(Looks at Ratchet)_ How do you lift those HUUUUGE guns and run around as if you are holding your wrench?

**Ratchet:** Well, it just takes a lot of practice and weight lifting. _(Raises his eyebrows)_ I am pretty muscular, after all.

_(Clank smacks his head, and Nefarious makes gagging noises.)_

**Aero:** _(Turns to Clank)_ If you can lift Ratchet 20 feet into the air by yourself, why can't you keep yourself in a sustained flight?

**Clank:** _(Thinks for a moment)_ Well, I suppose it could be due to my weight. I am made of metal, and metal is rather heavy. _(Thinks again)_ You know that Earth saying, 'what goes up must come down'? That explains it pretty well.

**Aero:** _(Turns to Aphelion)_ Just how fast can you go? And can I have a ride?

**Aphelion:** Well, it depends. I've had my engine modified so many times that even I don't know exactly how fast I can fly. And sure, you can have a ride. _(Lifts her canopy)_

_(Aero jumps into the ship. Aphelion disappears, and Nefarious sighs in relief. Seconds later, she reappears, causing Nefarious to yelp.)_

**Aphelion:** Ratchet, I'll be waiting outside in about twenty minutes. Almost forgot to let you know.

_(Ratchet nods and Aphelion disappears once more. Nefarious glances around nervously.)_

**Darla:** Alright, we're ready to bring in our next guest star, Wrenchy.

_(A dark orange Lombax appears from stage right and takes a seat between Darla and the other guests.)_

**Wrenchy:** My name is Wrenchy! ... Well, actually, it's Eileen, but I don't like that name... _(Turns to Ratchet)_ First, you, Ratchet! You're awesome, by the way. Alright, so I'm very huge on character emotion stuff... So my questions may seem weird, but hey, I want you to answer as honestly as you can.

**Ratchet:** I always do answer honestly. _(Gives thumbs up)_

**Wrenchy:** How did you feel when Alister betrayed you and Clank?

**Ratchet:** Wow, you weren't kidding about the emotion thing. _(Laughs)_ Well, it was a mixture of surprise, sadness, and hatred. Surprised because I thought he was my friend, sadness because I couldn't imagine why he wanted to kill me, and hatred because he seemed to care only for his own ambition. Basically, I knew the bastard had to die!

**Clank:** Ratchet! Watch your mouth!

_(Ratchet shrugs.)_

**Wrenchy:** I'm sorry to ask this, but -- what was it like without Clank?

**Ratchet:** _(His ears droop slightly)_ Well, I was extremely lonely, of course. But, it was something I had to get used to. At the same time, I felt accomplished when I completed my missions. I mean, I was able to go that entire time without getting any help from Clank.

**Wrenchy:** Sorry that my questions were all sad; I'll try to bring in some happier questions for you next time. _(Turns to Clank)_ And you're awesome too! So, I'm really in an Agent mode, so be prepared for some Agent-related questions.

**Clank:** _(Smiles)_ Those are my favorite questions, so feel free to ask them.

**Wrenchy:** What's the best part about being an agent? A SECRET agent, no less?

**Clank:** _(Looking thoughtful)_ Well, the best part for me is that I am able to help people. But, my favorite part about being an agent is the weapons. I quite enjoy carrying my own weapons, especially since these ones are easily concealed.

**Wrenchy:** Were you worried about Ratchet when he was in jail? Answer sincerely, please.

**Clank:** At first, yes, I was a little bit. But I was not terribly worried. Ratchet can take care of himself, after all.

**Wrenchy:** Sorry those questions weren't particularly interesting, but hey, I was curious! _(Turns to Lawrence)_ And YOU. I love YOU! Okayokayokay so now for the questions... Were you serious when you offered to get together with Clank -- when Dr. Nefarious called him a worthless sidekick (and Ratchet stood up for Clank -- go him!)?

**Lawrence:** _(Sighs)_ You know, I'm not entirely certain that I'm serious about anything. So, probably not.

**Wrenchy:** What do you do when Dr. Nefarious isn't watching?

**Lawrence:** Well, I do a little dusting and cleaning as usual. But sometimes I leave little surprises for him, like my Bubble Bomb that you saw earlier. _(Snickers)_ I set one of them off while he was sleeping once. That was the best reaction I have ever been able to get from him.

**Wrenchy:** Thanks for your time!

_(Several stagehands get up to escort Wrenchy backstage.)_

**Darla:** Alright, we're ready to take the next call.

**WindGoddess Rune:** I have several questions. Ratchet, do you think Alister Azimuth could have a family and they went with the other Lombaxes?

**Ratchet:** Well, it's possible. But I don't really think Azimuth is the type of person to really care about a family. Either that or he's over obsessive; one of the two.

**WindGoddess Rune:** Have you heard of two men name Solid Snake and Revolver Ocelot? Those guys are so awesome and they're the best soldiers in their home world called Earth! There's a picture of them on the Internet.

_(Darla hands Ratchet a laptop. After a few minutes of searching, Ratchet finally answers the question.)_

**Ratchet:** Well, I haven't ever heard of them until now. But they don't look so tough; I bet I could take them on. _(Smiles)_

**WindGoddess Rune:** Clank, what do you think of Courtney Gears?

**Clank:** _(Frowns)_ I never really liked her. She is too self absorbed and spoiled. And besides, she is evil.

**WindGoddess Rune:** Have you ever heard of a female android name Kos-Mos? You can find her picture on the internet, too. Nefarious and Lawrence, you two can see her picture too.

**Clank:** _(Grabs the laptop)_ Hmm, no I have never heard of her. _(He stares at the screen a moment longer)_ She does not look like a robot... _(Nefarious and Lawrence lean over to stare at the laptop as well) _

**Nefarious:** That's not a robot! That's a squishie!

**Lawrence:** Technically, she is a robot, sir. She's an android, which is a robot that is designed to appear and act as a human would.

**Nefarious:** That's stupid. What robot would want to act like a squishie?

**WindGoddess Rune:** Qwark, have you encountered a creature called a Heartless? Those things CAN steal your heart.

**Qwark:** In what way can they steal your heart? I am single, you know. _(Raises eyebrows and winks)_

_(Ratchet, Clank, and Nefarious look as if they're going to be sick.)_

**WindGoddess Rune:** Have you ever felt that someone is watching you in an unknown place, planning to prank you in the worst way ever?

**Qwark:** I'm too smart to fall for a prank.

_(Skrunch jumps on the back of Qwark's seat and screeches loudly. Qwark shouts and runs off stage. Ratchet laughs uncontrollably.)_

**Ratchet:** Good job, Skrunch!

**WindGoddess Rune:** Nefarious, have you ever heard of two scientists named Dr. Gero and Dr. Myuu? I heard that they're much better scientists than you are, scary looking, and they are old men!

**Nefarious:** _(Growls)_ Oh, yeah? Who said that? I'll annihilate them! There's no way that two old people can beat me! _(Laughs evilly)_

**WindGoddess Rune:** Lawrence, related to my question with Nefarious, look up to see Gero and Myuu's profile and make fun of Nefarious about it. Is there something else about those old men?

**Lawrence:** _(Grabs the laptop)_ Alright, I'll look. _(After several long moments, Lawrence turns the laptop toward Nefarious)_

**Nefarious:** _(His eyes get wide)_ What?! They say these two dorks are better than me? Why, they're nothing but squishies!

**Lawrence:** Well, they do have you beat in vanity, sir.

**Darla:** Thank you for your questions! Ok, we have time for one more call.

**PSManiac:** To all guests, what is your favorite video game?

**Qwark:** All of the Qwark Vid Comics, of course.

**Ratchet:** I really like racing games, like Burnout and Gran Turismo.

**Clank:** I love puzzle games. Tetris is probably my favorite.

**Nefarious:** I hardly have time for video games. But when I do have time, I usually play shooters. I love Resident Evil!

**Lawrence:** Yes, but he gets scared whenever I shut the lights off. _(Nefarious throws a dirty look at Lawrence)_ Anyway, I don't really play video games. Although, I do remember playing a really cool one called Cooking Mama.

_(Everyone gives Lawrence an odd look.)_

**PSManiac:** To Ratchet, any ideas on where the Lombaxes are? If they are in an alternate dimension, which is implied where they are, that may be something to hinder you from reaching them. Unless you get that Dimension hat thing working, but the damage it sustained may rip a hole in the fragment of reality and then implode the dimensions together at faster-than-light speeds, with every atom experiencing an atomic explosion simultaneously.

**Ratchet:** _(Looking a bit horrified)_ Well, I guess I won't be using the Dimensionator... _(Thinks)_ Well, I don't think they're in the Polaris Galaxy, and they probably aren't in the Solana Galaxy either. It'll probably take me a while to find them, but I won't give up!

**PSManiac:** To Nefarious, how are you still alive? Your brain got whacked into a supposedly unfixable state, and then the ship you were on crashed into an exploding space station!

**Lawrence:** I can answer that. When the two heroes weren't looking, I dragged Dr. Nefarious into the escape pod. I was going to leave him, but then I realized I wouldn't get a free connection to Lance and Janice anymore. So, though I was hesitant, I did save him, nonetheless.

**Darla:** Alright, I guess that wraps up our questions for today. _(Looks expectantly at the others)_

_(Everyone stares back, as if confused.)_

**Darla:** What? No bubble explosions or rabid monkey attacks? How about gun fights? _(Everyone continues to stare)_ Nothing?!

**Clank:** _(Glances around)_ No, I do not think so, ma'am.

**Darla:** _(Breathes a sigh of relief)_ Thank Gadgetron...

_(Aphelion suddenly appears near Nefarious again. He jumps out of his seat and stands behind his chair, glaring angrily at the ship.)_

**Aphelion:** Alright Ratchet, I'm back-

**Nefarious:** Damn you, you oversized tin can! Why do you always appear so close to me?!

**Aphelion:** _(Turns toward Nefarious)_ Why are you always sitting where I appear?

_(Nefarious looks outraged, but before anything can happen, a stagehand grabs hold of him and drags him backstage.)_

**Darla:** _(Sighs)_ Just shut off the camera...

_(All cameras go blank.)_

* * *

  
_Wow, the word count for this one is over 2,000. I wasn't joking when I said it was a long chapter... xD_

_So, I've had my poll open for over a week now, and I've finally decided to add a character. The new character will be Alister Azimuth. He'll be in the next chapter, so start submitting questions for him now, if you have any. Now, review please!_


	11. The Exile's Return

_Author's Note: I apologize for the __**really**__ late upload; school has been hell lately because my finals started on Monday. And I've also been working on a couple other fics, so I've been kind of neglecting this one... Anyway, special thanks to Wrenchy, ITman496, Draconlaris, WindGoddess Rune, PosinedAngel, and leavingyouforme for submitting questions. R&R please._

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Ratchet and Clank, Insomniac Games does. I also do not own any of the "guest stars", which include Wrenchy (owned by Wrenchy) and Aero (owned by ITman496).**_

* * *

**Interview of Chaos**

**Chapter 10: The Exile's Return**

_(The guests are sitting in their chairs with bored expressions. Darla appears from stage right and walks toward the guests.)_

**Darla:** Just to let you guys know, we've invited a new guest to join you all.

**Qwark:** _(Sits up straighter, as if interested)_ Who?

**Darla:** He's an old Lombax named Alister Azimuth.

**Qwark:** _(Looks bored again)_ Oh, that guy...

**Ratchet:**_ (Glances at Qwark)_ Who were you hoping it'd be?

**Qwark:** _(Looking embarrassed)_ I was hoping it was Helga...

_(Ratchet and Clank give him an odd look. Meanwhile, a white and red Lombax enters from stage right. He takes a seat near Nefarious, looking serious. Nefarious growls and glares at Azimuth, who pays no attention to him.)_

**Darla:** _(Sighs)_ Great. I can already tell this will be exciting. _(Sits and looks at the cameramen)_ Just start already.

_(The cameras begin rolling.)_

**Darla:** Good day, viewers! Today, we're welcoming a new guest, Alister Azimuth! Say hello, General.

**Azimuth:** _(Answers flatly)_ Hi.

**Darla:** We're also welcoming our favorite viewers back to the show. First, we'll bring out Wrenchy.

_(The dark orange Lombax appears from stage right and sits in a chair close to Darla's.)_

**Wrenchy:** Hey! I'm back! What's up? How are you all doing?

_(Everyone responds with the typical 'I'm fine' or 'Good' reply.)_

**Wrenchy:** _(Turns to Ratchet)_ All right, I promised I'd bring at least one uplifting question. While it's not necessarily 'uplifting', it is pretty non-serious, so answer it however you'd like. And this is the question! So, how do you feel about the gigantic fanbase you have online? Go take a looksee! You have some rather... er... suggestive pictures of you on deviantART, at least. It's ridiculous how many fangirls you have! (I'm not one of them, of course...)

**Ratchet:** _(Looks embarrassed)_ Oh, yeah... that. Well, I guess I should be a little flattered that people like me, but at the same time, it's a little creepy. _(Shudders)_ And I know exactly what you mean by 'suggestive pictures'; sometimes Clank finds some and tortures me with them.

**Clank:** I am not torturing you, I am just informing you of their presence. _(Laughs)_

**Wrenchy:** What was the scariest experience you've ever had -- the one where you simply felt you had no idea where to go next or what to do?

**Ratchet:** The scariest? _(Thinks)_ That's a tough question; I've had so many experiences like that! Well, the most obvious is when Clank disappeared, but I'm guessing you don't want to hear about that again. _(Thinks for a bit longer)_ Another good example is when I was working for Mr. Fizzwidget, and I got stuck on Tabora, that desert planet. I was pretty sure that Clank and I would never get off that hunk of dust. And I was pretty discouraged when I realized we'd been double-crossed by Fizzwidget. _(Shrugs)_ I'm just glad we both made it out alright.

**Wrenchy:** Probably one of the most serious questions I'll ask you -- take it seriously, please. At what lengths would you go to save Clank, were his life -- or whatever you'd like to call his liveliness -- in danger?

**Ratchet:** Don't worry, I do take this seriously. _(Thinks)_ I would do whatever I could to prevent any disaster from happening, whether it be Clank losing his life or me losing mine. I can't say the same for the enemy, though. But I'd give as much effort as possible to make sure me and my buddy both make it out alive.

**Wrenchy:** What was going through your mind when you saw that Info Bot about the dying planet, Oltanis? I know that was quite a while ago, but try to remember.

**Ratchet:** _(Looks confused)_ Oltanis? The planet with the lightning storms, right? That _was_ a long time ago. Well, it was a shame that Clank couldn't come with me; I felt really lonely and exposed without him. And the storm was terrifying! Half the time I was there was spent glancing at myself, making sure everything was still intact, especially my tail. I can honestly say that was one of the most depressing and intimidating planets I've ever had to visit.

**Wrenchy:** It's difficult thinking up uplifting questions for you, honestly! Sorry! _(Turns to Clank)_ Well, I have some more odd questions for you... they're not agent related, but they still should be fun for you to answer! What do you think it would be like to be a Lombax, like Ratchet?

**Clank:** Well, the furriness would be odd, as well as the tail, and the big ears. I think the aspect that would be most enjoyable for me is that I would be much taller. _(Shrugs)_ That would be very difficult to get accustomed to.

**Nefarious:** I don't even see why he'd want to be a squishie. If that happened to me, I'd never get accustomed to it.

**Wrenchy:** Has Ratchet ever done anything that surprised you? (Not including when he supposedly became 'evil' under Klunk's command in Secret Agent Clank, as that was not Ratchet himself, but Klunk.)

**Clank:** He surprises me constantly, and sometimes not in a good way. _(Ratchet gives Clank an unamused look)_ For example, one of the good surprises happened after we defeated Drek, when he offered assistance in repairing my arm.

**Qwark:** _(Looks at Clank curiously)_ What are the bad ones?

**Clank:** _(Smiles teasingly)_ There are too many to list. _(Laughs)_

**Wrenchy:** Do you find Ratchet's words hurtful sometimes? I know Ratchet is present, but still... answer as honestly as you can.

**Clank:** _(Shifts uncomfortably in his seat)_ Well, yes, I do sometimes. He has not been as hurtful lately, but he was a bit harsh when I confessed about the Zoni. I tried to explain I was not crazy, but he did not really want to listen. But then again, his reaction to them when he finally saw them was priceless. _(Looks to Ratchet)_ I bet you will not doubt me as quickly anymore!

**Ratchet:** Look at it this way; if I told you I started seeing floating fairies that were giving me magical powers, then you'd think I was crazy too, right?

**Clank:** _(Looks thoughtful)_ Well.... no. _(Laughs)_

**Wrenchy:** _(Turns to Darla)_ There aren't enough questions for you, so I thought I'd ask a few! Hey, that rhymed! They might be kind of dumb, though, so be prepared. Have you ever been in the Raritanium mines?

**Darla:** You mean the ones on Fastoon? Yeah, once. I was doing a special report about the disappearance of the Lombaxes, and my boss wanted me to visit the mines, too. _(Looks irritated)_ I really do hate those Nanophytes! They kept throwing bombs at me, and then the smaller ones with the clubs kept hitting me. I got a short circuit three times that day!

**Wrenchy:** Did you ever hear about DreadZone? (Ratchet: Deadlocked, in case you forgot.)

**Darla:** Yes, I've heard about that miserable excuse for a Holovid program. We've received complaints from some viewers saying we don't have enough violence, and then they'll suggest we become more like DreadZone. We constantly have to remind everyone that this is a _news station_, not a low budget death match show!

**Ratchet:** Um, it wasn't exactly low budget. Some of the stuff they had was pretty intimidating. And who said the news isn't violent? How many times have you been eaten and destroyed?

**Darla:** As a matter of fact, I've been eaten 2,583 times, destroyed 5,726 times, and I've been spared from being destroyed 22 times.

_(Everyone looks astounded.)_

**Nefarious:** I wonder who spared her. I certainly wouldn't! _(Laughs evilly)_

**Darla:** Alright, thank you for your questions, Wrenchy. _(She waits until Wrenchy has exited the stage)_ Okay, we're ready to welcome our next returning guest, Aero.

_(The small human boy appears from stage right and sits where Wrenchy was previously.)_

**Darla:** Welcome back, Aero! Feel free to ask questions whenever you'd like.

_(While Darla introduces Aero, Ratchet silently calls Aphelion. She appears, taking care to not end up so close to Nefarious. Despite this, Nefarious looks surprised and a bit annoyed.)_

**Nefarious:** _(Glares at Aphelion)_ Not you again!

**Aphelion:** Yes, me again. Deal with it.

**Aero:** _(Turns to Aphelion)_ What do those glowing things on your wings do?

**Aphelion:** Oh, those are my gravimetric stabilizers. They keep me stable in flight, so I don't go plummeting to the ground. They're the reason why we crash landed on Quantos.

**Aero:** _(Turns to Ratchet)_ When you use your special wrench, is it easy to move those really heavy things?

**Ratchet:** You mean the kinetic tether? Yeah, sometimes it's pretty hard to move stuff, especially when I use it to pry VersaGears off of machines or enemies, like the Hydra Tanks. But it's really useful to have, even if it's an illegal upgrade.

**Aero:** _(Turns to Clank)_ How often do you have to flush your radiator core?

**Clank:** _(Looks embarrassed)_ Well, it depends. I usually flush it out every week, but sometimes I do it sooner. _(Looks away)_

_(Ratchet and Qwark try not to laugh.)_

**Darla:** Alright, thank you for your questions, Aero.

_(Aero gets up and walks backstage.)_

**Darla:** Alright, we've got more questions from several others. First, we'll answer questions from Draconlaris.

**Draconlaris:** Ratchet, I admire you! You're so cool! I wish I could do things you did!! Any who. Have you ever been chased up by officials for carrying your large range arsenal?

**Ratchet:** At first, yes, I was chased a couple times. But after we defeated Drek, the officials knew who we were, so they didn't pursue us anymore. We got really lucky at hiding before that, though.

**Qwark:** _(Jumps in his seat)_ Oh, I remember that one time when I saw you on TV! You were being chased by the police in Metropolis, and you were flying really low. One ship tried to run into you, but you barrel rolled out of the way. But you didn't realize that the canopy was still open, and you fell out. _(Laughs)_ You were screaming so loud, and the authorities didn't even notice that you weren't flying the ship anymore.

**Clank:** Oh yes, I remember that too. After you fell out, you landed in a tree and got your tail stuck between a couple of branches. It took you hours to free yourself. _(Laughs)_

**Nefarious:** _(Also laughs)_ Are you _sure_ you know how to hide properly?

**Lawrence:** Yes, even an idiot like him knows how to hide. _(Points at Nefarious)_

_(Ratchet slouches in his chair, looking embarrassed.)_

**Ratchet:** It's not funny. That really hurt!

**Draconlaris:** Clank, you are soo cute!! What is Sigmund to you? I think he's helped you significantly, and he is very kind and loyal to you.

**Clank:** Yes, he has helped me quite a lot, and he is a very loyal friend. I personally see him as a teacher as well as a friend. He taught me a lot, even if he did not realize it. He was also very good at humor, sometimes.

**Draconlaris:** Alister, before I say anything, I completely understand your visions, and emotions. And I'm not a hater! But shooting Ratchet? I mean, come on! If he is so much like his father, Kaden, then in your case, wouldn't you be shooting Kaden?

**Azimuth:** Well, I do regret what I did. I wasn't really thinking straight at the time. _(Looks thoughtful)_ And if you think about it metaphorically, then yes, I guess shooting Ratchet would be like shooting Kaden.

**Draconlaris:** Qwark, why are you an imbecile?

**Qwark:** _(Looks shocked and offended)_ Imbecile? I believe you have been badly misinformed. I'm no where close to being an imbecile. As a matter of fact, I was trained at the Kerwan Learning Annex, which proves I'm not an imbecile. Only the best of the best go to that school.

**Ratchet:** _(Thinks)_ Wait, didn't Skrunch also go there?

**Qwark:** Why, yes, he did. _(Looks at Skrunch with jealousy)_ He was valedictorian, the lucky guy.

_(Everyone looks in astonishment at Skrunch, who is currently chewing on a camera's cable. The cameraman closest to him tries to kick him away, but Skrunch jumps on his boot and sinks his teeth into the cameraman's leg. The cameraman screams in agony and runs around the room, trying to shake the demented monkey off of him.)_

**Clank:** _(Looking mystified)_ Well Qwark, it seems that the Kerwan Learning Annex sure is... special.

**Darla:** Alright, thank you for your questions. We'll accept our next caller, WindGoddess Rune.

**WindGoddess Rune:** Hi again everyone! Ratchet, now that Alister Azimuth is here with you and the others; what will you say to him?

**Ratchet:** _(Shrugs)_ Well, I don't really know. There's really not much to say.

**Clank:** _(Glares accusingly at Ratchet)_ It did not seem like that earlier.

_(Ratchet looks uncomfortable. He tucks his ears closer to his head and looks away.)_

**WindGoddess Rune:** Ratchet and Alister, is your fur soft or a little hard? Because I'd like to know about it.

**Azimuth:** Well, every Lombax is a bit different. My fur is kind of soft, but it's not fluffy.

**Ratchet:** Mine's pretty soft, I guess.

**Clank:** _(Looks mischievous)_ Of course it is soft, and you are fluffy, too. You look like a golden cotton ball. _(Laughs)_

**WindGoddess Rune:** Azimuth, since your weapon is a double wrench, are there also a whip, dagger, arrow, axe and sword that the Lombaxes made to fight?

**Azimuth:** No, we don't have any of those. Our melee weapon of choice is the wrench. We don't have any daggers or arrows or anything like that. We're perfectly content with wrenches.

**WindGoddess Rune:** Clank, what did you think of Kos-Mos when I showed her picture?

**Clank:** _(Grabs a laptop)_ Let me take another look... _(Remains silent for several seconds)_ Well, she is certainly interesting. I find her design to be quite odd, however. I guess I am just not used to the idea of a robot that looks so... _(Pauses)_ ...organic.

**WindGoddess Rune:** Qwark, a Heartless is a creature made from the darkness of people's hearts and it can steal another person's heart to create more Heartless.

**Qwark:** _(Grabs the laptop from Clank, then waits briefly)_ Oh, alright then; I looked it up. _(Looks back up)_ By the way everyone, I wasn't kidding when I said I'm single.

**Ratchet:** _(Gives him an odd look)_ I'm sure you weren't.

_(Ratchet and Clank laugh.)_

**WindGoddess Rune:** Nefarious, Don't be fool by Dr. Gero's appearance because he can turn himself into an android to live forever, and he's killed a lot of people. He also has a bad temper if you anger him too much. If you don't believe me, watch episode 126 of Dragon Ball Z on YouTube. Well, Dr. Myuu doesn't really fight but he does have powerful warriors he created, to protect him from you or anyone else.

**Nefarious:** _(Walks over to Qwark, snatches the laptop, and sits back down)_ Alright, I'll watch the moron for a bit.

_(Nefarious searches for the episode, while everyone scoots their chairs a little closer to watch as well. After a few minutes, Nefarious raises his head to speak.)_

**Nefarious:** Like I said before; he doesn't seem so tough. I could kick his ass with only half an armada of maniacal robots!

_(Nefarious slams the laptop shut and puts it on the ground next to his chair. Several complaints came from the other guests, including an obnoxious "No!" from Qwark.)_

**Lawrence:** _(Turns to Nefarious)_ I do believe you'd be great friends with him, sir. You have so much in common; the temper, the diabolical plans, and the utter disregard for vanity, for example.

**WindGoddess Rune:** Lawrence, what are your thoughts of Dr. Gero and Dr. Myuu? Be honest with me and watch the video too from Nefarious' question.

**Lawrence:** I assure you, I was paying attention to the video. But they seem to me to be just like any other villain. I don't know how many villains you've met, but trust me, each one isn't much different from the last. _(Glances at Nefarious)_ Although, they usually have more brain cells than this one._ (Points at Nefarious)  
_  
**WindGoddess Rune:** Do you hate squishies like Nefarious does or not? Because you don't seem to care what Nefarious thinks, right?

**Lawrence:** You are absolutely right; I don't care about what Nefarious thinks. That said, I really don't care much about who or what he decides to scorn. And I don't really pay any attention to "squishies", anyway.

**Darla:** Alright, thank you again for your questions. We're ready to talk to our next interviewer, PosinedAngel.

**PosinedAngel:** Ratchet, if given the opportunity, would you settle down into a simpler life and perhaps get married? And have kids in the long run?

**Ratchet:** _(Thinks)_ Well, I don't really know. It depends on how good the opportunity is. But, I don't think I'd have enough patience for any of that...

**Clank:** _(Nods agreeably and giggles)_ I believe you may be right, since you hardly have patience for anything at all.

**PosinedAngel:** Throughout your adventures, have you encountered any humans? *****

**Ratchet:** No, I currently haven't run into anything called a human. What is that, anyway?

**Clank:** An organic life form that originates from planet Earth.

**Ratchet:** _(Tilts his head to the side, looking confused)_ Um, never heard of that planet, either...

**PosinedAngel:** If you were to know anything in the universe, what would it be?

**Ratchet:** _(Thinks)_ I'd love to know Qwark's IQ. I'd be able to make so many more jokes if I knew that. _(Laughs)_

**Qwark:** _(Frowns)_ Your IQ is so low, it makes George Bush look like a genius.

**Ratchet:** _(Glares at Qwark)_ I have no idea who you're talking about, but I bet it isn't true!

**PosinedAngel:** Do you see yourself as a hero or villain, based upon the decisions you make in life, or perhaps a little bit of both?

**Ratchet:** _(Thinks)_ Well, I suppose everyone could be a little of both. I've done hurtful things in the past; is that what you mean by me being a villain? I personally see myself as more of a hero, though. After all, I do save people's lives on a daily basis.

**PosinedAngel:** This might occur to you as a bit personal, but have you ever been in love; and I am not talking about that sappy crush stuff but a deeper connection? If so do you fear risking her life due to the bond?

**Ratchet:** Unfortunately, all I've ever experienced are sappy crushes. But if I were to fall in love, then I would be worried about risking her life. I mean, I _am_ a gun wielding hero who constantly has crazed villains chasing my tail, so I'd be stupid not to worry.

**Darla:** Okay, thank you for your questions! We have time for one last call, and our next questions come from leavingyouforme.

**leavingyouforme:** Alister, how did you feel when you realized that using the Great Clock like you did would rip the universe apart?

**Azimuth:** Well, I knew I'd made a terrible mistake; even more terrible than the deal I made with Tachyon. After I realized my error, I knew I had to fix it, fast. That whole situation left me feeling a bit confused as well as embarrassed, overall.

**leavingyouforme:** Why couldn't you see Ratchet as himself instead of Kaden?

**Azimuth:** _(Looks nostalgic)_ He's just so much like Kaden; not only with his looks, but with his actions as well. Throughout our short time of journeying together, I noticed that he made the exact same decisions that I would expect of his father. When someone is so similar to someone else, it can be difficult to distinguish between the two.

**leavingyouforme:** Now to Ratchet and Clank. I'm really glad for you two that you could reunite! I don't think either of you would have been happy if you had separated. Ratchet, what was your first reaction when you saw the Great Clock for the first time? How much did you see of the inside as you went to repair the rest of the facility with the Zoni? If so, was it a shock to see Clank multiplying himself? And what do you think of Sigmund (and he of you)?

**Ratchet:** _(Looks amazed)_ When I first saw the Clock, I was astounded by the size of it. _(Eyes widen)_ I mean, it was the size of a planet! But, all I got to see was the Orvus Chamber, we didn't go exploring too much, since the Zoni didn't really need too much help with fixing everything. And I've only heard Clank's descriptions of the puzzles where he had 'multiple selves'. If I had seen that, though, I think it would be bizarre. _(Tilts his head and raises an eyebrow, then straightens and continues)_ And Sigmund... I feel grateful to him, you know? He kept my best bud safe for over a year. Even though his jokes can be a bit annoying...

**Clank:** _(Looks surprised)_ I do not see why his humor would seem annoying to you. I believe his sense of humor is brilliant.

**Ratchet:** That's 'cause you're the only one who gets it.

**leavingyouforme:** Clank, some of my questions are very personal or even "hurtful" as they deal with what happened in the Great Clock after you defeated Nefarious. Due to Alister being here, it'll get probably even harder for you to answer, but please try to do so honestly.

**Clank:** I understand. I will try to answer them to the best of my ability.

**leavingyouforme:** How did you feel when you couldn't reach Ratchet as he fell down from the platform after Alister shot him?

**Clank:** _(Looks genuinely mournful)_ I was truly shocked at his actions. After all, Ratchet had assured me that he could be trusted. But as I watched Ratchet plummet, I felt he had betrayed that trust. I had felt a bit powerless, but I was also determined to find a way to repair the damage he had caused.

**leavingyouforme:** You were torn between undoing Ratchet's death and not misusing the Great Clock's power as not to rip the universe apart. Luckily, the Plumber gave you the hint with the six minutes, but what would you have done if he hadn't? Or more generally - at what lengths would YOU go to save your best friend, especially now after you saw him die? You can't tell anybody it hasn't left you unchanged, or rather, unscathed.

**Clank:** You are absolutely right; that experience has not left me unchanged, rather it has scarred me a bit. Witnessing your best friend's death is not the simplest experience; it is not something you can just brush off your shoulder. But, I would not like to assume what would have happened without the Plumber's advice... _(Shudders)_ But, even though the tearing of the universe is a prominent threat, I think I would still have taken the chance of turning back time to save Ratchet. The universe never seemed to be bothered when Sigmund opened up time portals, so it could not possibly be horrendously damaged from a few minutes of time travel.

**leavingyouforme:** If you hadn't changed time, how would you have dealt with Alister? After all, he was still outside, raging in the frenzy he was at that time.

**Clank:** _(Scratches his head, looking thoughtful)_ Well, I did have the Chronoscepter, which would have helped repel Alister's attacks. I am not sure if they would have severely injured him, but that would be my only option.

**leavingyouforme:** I know you meant it as a joke when you compared Ratchet to a remote, but I'd like an honest answer. How did it feel to see Ratchet again? How when he was suddenly there in the Valkyrie Citadel, catching you as you were falling down?

**Clank:** Honestly, I was shocked. I assumed that, with my new Caretaker duties, I would never have another chance to see Ratchet. But I was also relieved and excited, because I knew that there was still a possibility to have everything work out in the end. _(Smiles)_ I am just happy that we could reunite.

**Qwark:** Good thing, too; without you guys, everything would be pretty boring, since you guys attract more trouble than a pyromaniac who got matches for their birthday.

**leavingyouforme:** Were you aware at the time Nefarious kept you prisoner to access your memory banks? Did you know it had been a year since the Zoni took you away?

**Clank:** No, I have no memory of what happened at all. The last thing I remember before I was separated from Ratchet was our discussion about Tachyon. The next thing I knew, I was running through the unfamiliar Great Clock, trying to escape from Nefarious. And I did not realize I had been missing for a year until Sigmund informed me of this.

**leavingyouforme:** How do you explain Sigmund could open portals into the past, while the Clock isn't meant to be used as a time machine?

**Clank:** _(Looking thoughtful)_ Well, that is a tough question. I believe the Clock can open time portals because the time change does not affect a large area, therefore the consequences would not be severe. _(Thinks)_ For example, if there is a disease in a small area, then it will only afflict that area. If everywhere else remains healthy, then there are no major changes when regarding the larger picture. _(Narrows his eyes in thought)_ Does that make sense?

**Qwark:** _(Looking dumbfounded)_ Um, not really...

**Ratchet:** _(Nudges Clank and whispers)_ Morons don't count.

**leavingyouforme:** To Ratchet and Clank, what were both of your thoughts when you hugged each other in the knowledge you would go separate ways from that moment on? Both of you looked so sad.

**Ratchet:** Well, of course we were sad; we're best buds. And best buds can't be replaced easily. I'm sure Clank would agree with me. _(Glances at Clank)_

**Clank:** _(Nods in agreement)_ Yes, neither of us would ever be able replace the other. _(Shakes head sadly)_ I was split between my new duty to protect the Clock, and the choice of staying with Ratchet. But, I did not want to reject the trust that my father gave me, no matter how much I wished to stay with my best friend. But in the end, that wishing caused me to turn my back on that trust.

**leavingyouforme:** Ratchet, what was your first "task" after Clank decided to stay with you and you flew away from the Great Clock?

**Ratchet:** I would think that would be pretty obvious. We agreed to find the Lombaxes, and Clank'll travel with me the whole way. At least, that's what he promised.

**Darla:** Alright, thank you for your questions, all of you. We really do appreciate them, so keep sending them in!

**Nefarious:** _(Looking up in excitement)_ We're done now? Finally! _(Stands up and begins to walk away)_ Come on, Lawrence, we have world domination to plot.

**Lawrence:** _(Stands and follows Nefarious)_ Yes; time to plot and fail miserably at it, sir.

**Ratchet:** _(Stands)_ Yeah, we should go too, Clank. _(Turns to others)_ Anyone hungry? I've been starving this whole time.

_(Qwark and Azimuth raise their hands, along with several cameramen and stagehands. Ratchet waves everyone off the stage, and they all follow him eagerly. Skrunch, the only one left besides Darla, sniffs the air and follows Ratchet as well.)_

**Darla:** _(Sighs)_ Well, at least _I_ appreciate them... _(Walks to nearest camera and disconnects it)_

* * *

_Well, I think this extra long chapter makes up for my extra long absence, right? I hope so. Well, keep the reviews (and questions) coming, please. I'll wait semi-patiently. =)_

_*****__: I have based the answer to this question off of the games; not on fics. I do realize that there are fics that include humans, but I believe it would be more reasonable to answer this based on the adventures R&C have had in the games._


	12. Who Knew Clank Had His Own Language?

_Author's Note: Hello everyone. Wow, can you believe this is my first upload of the new year? How sad… I apologize for my extremely late upload, but this fic has been giving me a bit of trouble lately. So, in order to preserve at least part of my sanity, I've decided to set a few rules. (Yeah, I know, it sucks. But seriously, I need them.)_

_1. __**Please limit your questions to three per review. **__I am pleased that everyone is so interested in my fic, and I'm always eager to receive new questions. However, I occasionally have a very short attention span and little patience when it comes to writing for long periods of time. I also have personal issues to tend to, such as school assignments, which leaves a short amount of time for me to write. Therefore, I would appreciate it if you could please include three questions maximum, so choose carefully! (And please, wait until after the next chapter is uploaded to post more. Do not post multiple reviews for one chapter, unless you didn't reach the maximum amount of questions in your first review, in which case you are allowed to add a few more. But remember, don't be a smart ass who submits multiple reviews to cheat their way into getting more questions answered.)_

_2. __**Be reasonable with what you ask.**__ I encourage anyone to ask any sort of question that comes to mind as long as it is appropriate and on topic. No, I do not want to answer how Ratchet would organize his closet, nor would I like to answer what Clank thinks about Cameron Diaz. And no, I don't know whether Nefarious has a secret obsession for women's underwear. And I wouldn't really want to know… xP_

_3. __**All questions will be answered as accurately as possible based on the games.**__ The disclaimer is there for a reason. I mention only that Ratchet and Clank belongs to Insomniac; I do not mention any fics. The only exception is OC's; if I use someone's OC, I will credit them. I will not, however, site any fics; that would be a form of advertising. So please, do not ask any questions such as, "Ratchet, in my fic, 'blah blah blah', do you think you make a good couple with my OC, blah?" No… just, no…_

_So, now that you know the new rules, I ask you to please follow and respect them as you would expect me to follow and respect any rules you might have. Trust me, I'm not creating rules just so I can drive away my readers; that would be the last thing I would want. I'd just like to be able to update faster while keeping the quality of my fic at a decent level._

_Anyway, special thanks to the following readers for leaving me questions: ITman496, Wrenchy, Draconlaris, WindGoddess Rune, and Hera Ledro. And extra special thanks to ITman496 and Wrenchy for giving me suggestions for some of the trickier questions. You two have no idea how big of a headache you saved me from. So, R&R and enjoy. =)_

_P.S.: Hera Ledro, I love your use of "Clank-ese," so I kept that term in the question. I hope you don't mind, but it's absolutely hilarious. xD_

_P.S.S.: I am aware that there are a few more reviews with questions waiting to be answered that I did not include in this chapter. I __**promise**__ to answer them in the next chapter, which I will try my best to upload quickly. Don't worry, I didn't forget you. ;)_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Ratchet and Clank. All rights related to these characters belong to Insomniac Games. I also do not own Aero, who belongs to Itman496. Wrenchy belongs to Wrenchy, obviously.  
**_

* * *

**Interview of Chaos**

**Chapter 11: Who Knew Clank Had His Own Language?**

_(Ratchet, Clank, Qwark, and Azimuth are sitting in their usual seats, looking extremely bored. Ratchet is holding his head up with his hand while Qwark glances around, bouncing in his seat. Azimuth is drawing invisible pictures on the ground with his wrench, his eyes droopy. Clank is leaning back in his chair, eyes closed. Ratchet frequently glances to the right entrance of the set, as though expecting something to happen.)_

**Ratchet:** _(Mumbles)_ Seriously, isn't Darla going to start the interview?

**Clank:** _(Half opens one eye)_ I believe she is anticipating the return of our missing guests. (_Points to Nefarious' and Lawrence's empty seats)_

**Ratchet:** _(Waves dismissively)_ Who cares about those two?

_(Nefarious and Lawrence enter from stage right and take their seats. Nefarious glares at Ratchet.)_

**Nefarious:** I heard that, squishy!

_(Ratchet flicks his tail nervously, then sits straighter, glancing innocently around the room. Darla appears from stage right and sits down. She waves to the cameramen, signaling the start of the show. All cameras turn to the guests.)_

**Darla:** Welcome back, viewers, to another thrilling installment of our interview. We have our usual guests with us today, including Alister Azimuth. We also have a few returning guests.

_(Darla nods to a stagehand, who runs backstage, emerging minutes later with Aero. Aero sits close to Darla. Ratchet once again calls Aphelion, who instantly appears next to Ratchet.)_

**Nefarious:** _(Mutters to Lawrence)_ At least she isn't anywhere near me this time.

**Lawrence:** Oh, yes, that would have given you a fright. And then I would be forced to calm you down so your phobia of floating objects doesn't worsen. _(Gazes upward in thought)_ Not to mention your more severe phobia of floating objects which are capable of speech.

**Aero:** _(Turns to Ratchet)_ Do those huge guns like the Judicator have lots of recoil?

**Ratchet:** Well, yeah, of course. Most of those types of guns are the same size as me, if not bigger! Sometimes, when I shoot one of those guns, I get disoriented and I have to stumble away while an army of enemies chases me.

**Clank:** Like that one incident where we were fighting space pirates on the Ublik Passage?

**Ratchet:** _(Ducks his head down in embarrassment)_ Don't bring that up…

**Clank:** _(Grins, ignoring Ratchet)_ He was using the Alpha Disruptor on a Rogue, but he allowed it to charge a little too long. After he fired it, it recoiled and hit his head, which made him stumble backwards and pass out. _(Faces Ratchet)_ At least you managed to take the Rogue with you, Ratchet. _(Laughs)_

**Ratchet:** _(Glares at Clank without turning his head)_ Oh, yeah, lucky me.

**Aero:** _(Turns to Clank)_ How do you see forward when you are on Ratchet's back?

**Clank:** I simply peek around his shoulder, but I hardly ever get a clear view. So, I usually do not even bother to look in front of Ratchet, unless I absolutely must. Besides, it is much more practical for me to watch behind him, that way I can inform him of any potential dangers that approach from that direction.

**Aero:** _(Turns to Aphelion)_ How often does Ratchet take you to a ship wash?

**Aphelion:** _(Turns accusingly to Ratchet)_ Not often enough.

**Ratchet:** _(Eyes widen in innocence, tail flicking nervously)_ What? They're expensive! And besides, I can wash you with a garden hose; it's cheaper and works just fine.

**Aphelion:** It does _not_ work fine when you have bits of space debris caught in your exhaust pipes!

**Ratchet:** _(Sticks out his tongue and looks away, squinting, holding his hands out)_ Ewww… too much info, Aphelion.

**Aero:** _(Turns to Nefarious)_ Why do your plans always fail?

**Nefarious:** _(Glares)_ My plans _never_ fail, squishy! _(Stops glaring, looking slightly amused)_ They always succeed in annoying my enemies, so they don't ever fail entirely.

**Lawrence:** Essentially, he succeeds in the only talent he has: being exceptionally aggravating.

**Darla:** Alright, thank you for your questions. _(Waves to stagehand, who escorts Aero backstage)_ We have one more guest, Wrenchy.

_(A dark orange Lombax enters from stage right, taking the usual guest seat.)_

**Wrenchy:** _(Turns to Clank)_ Don't you find the Zoni a bit… slow?

**Clank:** Yes, they do seem slow. But they are hive minds, so perhaps it is difficult for them to formulate a single thought. I cannot imagine having several thoughts interrupting my own. I suppose that explains their simple responses and detached personalities. _(Shrugs)_ That is my best guess.

**Darla:** Thank you for the question, Wrenchy.

_(A stagehand stands and escorts Wrenchy off stage.)_

**Darla:** Alright, we're ready to answer Draconlaris' questions.

**Draconlaris:** So, Alister, why are you so inexpressive? Before Tachyon's attack, I was wondering if you had someone? Like a girlfriend? That would be interesting, no?

**Azimuth:** I'm inexpressive because expressing too many emotions is considered a sign of weakness, from what I've been taught. And no, I never took a mate; I preferred to focus mainly on my duties as General. Had I done that, I would have gained an unwanted distraction. *

**Draconlaris:** Ratchet, what do you think of Miss Talwyn Apogee?

**Ratchet:** She's a great friend to have around, especially when we're caught in a fight. It's nice to have backup every once in a while, that way the chances of me getting blown up aren't as high.

**Clank:** _(Tilts his head)_ I believe you are misinterpreting the meaning of the question, Ratchet.

**Ratchet:** _(Mirrors Clank, tilting his head, eyes wide)_ Huh?

**Clank:** _(Shakes his head)_ Never mind…

**Draconlaris:** Clank, if you could meet Orvus in real life, what would you ask him first?

**Clank:** _(Gazes upward in thought)_ Hmm, that is a difficult question… I suppose I would ask him why he found it necessary to pass the Clock down to me. After all, he had Sigmund, who was far more experienced than I in maintaining the machinery. And it is obvious that he trusted him. I, myself, have no objection to the idea of Sigmund inheriting that responsibility.

**Draconlaris:** Ratchet, Clank, out of the allies that have helped you, who are your favs?

_(Ratchet and Clank glance briefly at one another, then turn back to the camera.)_

**Ratchet and Clank:** _(In unison)_ Each other!

**Nefarious:** _(Crosses arms and rolls his eyes)_ You know, Lawrence, I swear I won't be able to survive these interviews if this sickening friendship crap continues.

**Lawrence:** Sir, I'm appalled! I was so sure you enjoyed that type of affection. _(Sighs)_ Oh, well, that's what I get for being an ignorant twit.

**Draconlaris:** Lawrence, I know you like the free Opera you get from Neffy's..."problem". But what was the real reason you joined him in the first place? Spur of the moment?

**Lawrence:** _(Leans toward the camera, holding his hand to his mouth, as if whispering)_ I'll tell you a little secret: an economic crisis can ruin your life as well as your reputation. Just make sure you never end up desperate enough to work as a butler for someone so moronic that they would rely on Thyrranoids to aid them in world domination.

**Draconlaris:** Neffy, what is it like being evil? Is it like... hard?

**Nefarious:** _(Eyes widen in interest)_ Oh, of course it is hard, but in the end it's worth it. There is nothing more rewarding than watching your enemies squirm helplessly as they try to find a way out of an ingeniously built trap. _(Stands up suddenly, laughing evilly)_

**Ratchet:** _(Snorts and leans toward Clank, speaking loudly)_ Yeah, too bad he's never pulled that off. He's so stupid, he couldn't trap a…

**Clank:** Qwark?

**Ratchet:** Yeah!

_(Nefarious narrows his eyes threateningly before sitting down slowly. He returns to crossing his arms, shooting death glares at the others.)_

**Draconlaris:** I have a question for everyone: what is the most important thing you'd want your partner _(if you were to have one)_ to have? (e.g. bravery, compassion, patience.)

**Darla:** _(Jumps up out of seat)_ Oh, I've always wanted to marry a celebrity! I mean, I am one myself, but I've always gotten along better with other celebrities.

**Ratchet:** _(Leans over to Clank and whispers)_ I bet we both know that "getting along better" means "I'll like you if you have bolts".

**Clank:** _(Nods enthusiastically to Ratchet, then turns back to the camera)_ The most prized aspect I could ask for in a partner is for them to be level headed. It would be less stressful on me to know that they understand what to do to be safe. _(Turns expectantly to Ratchet)_

**Ratchet:** _(Leans away from him, eyes wide)_ …What? Oh, the question. _(Looks distractedly at the floor)_ Well, I guess I'd like someone brave, you know? I don't want to end up with someone who acts like Qwark.

**Qwark:** _(Frowns)_ Hey! Quit being mean! _(Glares for a short moment at Ratchet, then turns to the camera)_ I'd want to be with someone who's not boring. You know, enthusiastic about everything. And, they must be able to appreciate a "mega hero". _(Grins and gives Nefarious a sideways glance)_ You're it!

**Nefarious:** _(Glares at Qwark, growling deeply, then stands and yells at the camera)_ I DON'T WANT TO BE WITH A SQUISHIE! _(Sits down quickly, arms crossed)_

**Lawrence:** Sir, the question was asking personality traits, not physical characteristics.

**Nefarious:** _(Narrows eyes)_ I don't care. That's my answer, and I'm not changing it.

**Lawrence:** I understand, sir. It's not like you have a chance with anyone, so why rub it in? _(Turns to camera)_ I only ask that my partner be intelligent. I've gone long enough without spending time with someone who is not a complete imbecile, haven't I? _(Turns to Azimuth)_ I do believe it is your turn, unless the ship would like to contribute?

_(Azimuth and Aphelion turn to each other, Azimuth's eyebrows raised. After a few seconds, Aphelion floats forward.)_

**Aphelion:** I don't mind being the next to answer. I would like someone level headed, like Clank. Someone who actually things about what could possibly happen to them if they run headlong into battle. _(Turns accusingly to Ratchet)_ Unlike you.

**Ratchet:** Hey, I kinda like being reckless. Where's the fun in sitting on the sidelines thinking when I could be smashing someone's head in with a wrench? Anyway, your turn now, Azimuth.

**Azimuth:** Well, I would like someone who is honest and when they make mistakes they try their best to fix them. But they should also be reasonable about it, so they don't end up ruining lives trying to fix their own.

**Ratchet:** _(Turns to Clank, whispering)_ How ironic…

_(Skrunch suddenly launches himself onto the back of Ratchet's chair, causing him to jump and almost slip onto the floor.)_

**Qwark:** Hi Skrunch! Wanna answer the question too? What characteristic do you want your partner to have?

**Skrunch:** _(Gazes at Qwark, his eyes blank for a second, then holds up a banana.)_

**Lawrence:** What an insightful answer.

**Darla:** Alright, thank you for the questions. Next up is a set of questions submitted by WindGoddess Rune.

**WindGoddess Rune:** Have you guys ever heard of a being called a dragoon? You can watch it on YouTube and its title is Legend of Dragoon.

_(Darla pulls out a laptop as everyone gathers around it. After a few minutes of silence, Darla closes the laptop as the others return to their seats.)_

**Ratchet:** _(Shaking head)_ No, I've never seen one. They sound dangerous… _(Smiles)_

**Clank:** _(Narrows eyes at Ratchet)_ I will not allow you to hunt one down just so you can put yourself in danger.

**Ratchet:** _(Waves dismissively)_ Oh, relax. I'm not _that_ stupid.

_(Nefarious snorts, attempting to hold back laughter. Ratchet's ears twitch as he notices the sound, and he turns his head slightly to glare.)_

**WindGoddess Rune:** Azimuth, are you married and do you have kids?

**Azimuth:** No, I didn't marry, and I do not have children.

**Qwark:** _(Says in a sarcastic tone)_ What a surprise…

**WindGoddess Rune:** Azimuth, you are very awesome when you fight enemies with Ratchet.

**Azimuth:** _(Dips head down modestly)_ Thank you. I've trained quiet frequently in order to assure I do not make many mistakes, and I assume the same is true for Ratchet. I enjoyed our time being on the same team.

**WindGoddess Rune:** Clank, what's wrong with Kos-Mos and the way she looks?

**Clank:** I believe you misunderstood me. I do not believe there is anything wrong with her appearance, I just find it very… unique. I have never seen a robot that resembles an organism with that much detail.

**WindGoddess Rune:** Clank, have you ever heard of or met a being called a witch or wizard?

**Clank:** No, I have not either heard or met one. I do believe that the term "witch" is used to describe a person's personality, is it not?

**WindGoddess Rune:** Ratchet, you know that you are so cute!

**Ratchet:** _(Flicks ears)_ Oh, thank you.

**WindGoddess Rune:** Ratchet, what do you think of the two scientists that I showed Nefarious? Creepy looking old men, huh?

**Ratchet:** Yeah, I guess they're pretty creepy. But they don't look so tough. I could beat them in a fight easily, and a lot faster than Nefarious could, too.

**Nefarious:** _(Glares at Ratchet)_ Well, while you're distractedly fighting those morons I'll take advantage of the opportunity to end your pathetic life.

**Ratchet:** _(Grins)_ Good luck trying.

**WindGoddess Rune:** Nefarious, what was your spirit walking like?

**Nefarious:** It was very calming. And it helped me relax and not act crazily when bothered by thoughts of that stupid Lombax. I could have done without those moronic Fongoids following me, though.

**WindGoddess Rune:** Lawrence, by utter disregard for vanity, you mean Nefarious, Gero and Myuu look very creepy or ugly, right? You are very funny, my friend.

**Lawrence:** Yes, I meant they have no sense of fashion and they care very little to look decent. And thank you for your kind compliment; humor helps me through my depressing days.

**WindGoddess Rune:** Lawrence, you are my favorite butler in the entire game and do you have brothers or sisters?

**Lawrence:** Thank you. And I guess you could say I have siblings, since I was created in a robot factory, so all robots of my model are "brothers".

**Darla:** Alright, thank you for the questions, WindGoddess Rune. Our next caller is Hera Ledro.

**Hera Ledro:** Darla, please use your "skills" to evaluate Qwark's IQ. Seriously, we'd all like an honest evaluation. I wouldn't put it any higher than 40.

**Darla:** _(Turns to Qwark)_ Qwark, what color is the red fire engine?

**Qwark:** _(Glances around)_ I don't know… Where is it?

**Darla:** _(Turns back to camera)_ I believe your assumption is quiet accurate.

**Hera Ledro:** Azimuth, I'm well-aware of your reasons for cracking at the end of CiT, so I won't ** on you about that; I can only imagine the pressure that you were under, what with feeling so responsible for the past. Before I ask my question, I do want you to realize that refusing Tachyon access to Lombax technology would not have stopped his invasion, merely delayed it. Therefore, I would like to know what you were thinking when you granted him access; or rather, what were your reasons for it? None of the designs I saw were designs for constructive machinery, only artillery and weaponry.

**Azimuth:** I granted him access to our schematics because that seemed like a harmless decision. To me, Tachyon seemed to be a brilliant scientist who wanted nothing more than to help further our scientific knowledge. And besides, he seemed promising to add to our team of scientists. At the time, I thought refusing him would be a mistake, as I couldn't think of a reason as to why I shouldn't have trusted him. I do realize my mistake now, however…

**Hera Ledro:** Clank, let's be honest, after CiT did you ever use your 'cloning' ability to pull a prank on Ratchet? Or do you need those special platforms to do it?

**Clank:** Unfortunately, I do need the platforms to clone myself, so I never get the chance to pull a prank on Ratchet. _(Looks up in thought)_ Maybe I should convince Sigmund to help me install some outside of the Great Clock. _(Laughs)_

**Ratchet:** _(Raises an eyebrow)_

**Hera Ledro:** _[speaks Clank-ese]_ Clank, I am sure that by now Ratchet has informed you of what transpired when he traversed the temporal boundaries to try and rescue Orvus. As a result, you likely know that Orvus disappeared without a trace; I theorize that his metal body was destroyed by the ray of Nefarious' robot and - since Zoni are sentient beings of pure energy - his essence dissipated. This occurs two years before the events of "A Crack in Time", which is chronologically synchronous to the time when you gained the ability to slow time. As Zoni are not seen as being able to give temporal-manipulative abilities to other people in either "Quest for Booty" or "A Crack in Time", does it seem plausible that Orvus' essence entered your own body after his body was disintegrated? _[/Clank-ese]_

**Clank:** Hmm, your theory is very intriguing. That seems feasible, but then again, it could simply be that I was created by him, and that is why I am able to inherit his ability of time manipulation. However, I can see you have given much thought to this, and it seems believable, so perhaps it is true, as I cannot imagine a more plausible explanation.

**Hera Ledro:** Alright, last question so I can save Lomcat a job reading my tl;dr's. Ratchet, assume for a moment that you could salvage the Dimensionator and fix it. Would you use it to find the Lombaxes, or do you think that it would be too dangerous? I personally think it's too dangerous, but as long as you destroy it after it's used it doesn't seem too bad.

**Ratchet:** _(Shakes head)_ No, I learned my lesson the first time. And besides, Clank wouldn't be too happy about that.

**Clank:** _(Smiles and nods)_ You are correct, Ratchet.

**Darla:** Thank you for your questions, Hera Ledro. Unfortunately, it's time for us to close this episode. Tune in next time for more _exciting_ antics! _(Sighs)_ I need a new job…

_I'm hoping this chapter has made up for the wait. I honestly didn't mean for it to take so long, but there's no real way to plan around school sometimes… Anyway, let me know what you think of it. And feel free to add questions. Keep in mind that until the start of summer, my updates might be few and infrequent. Come summer time however, I'm aiming for one update a week; it'll be interesting to see whether I'm able to handle that. =)_

_Now, review! I'm sure you've all got some good ideas after being so patient with me for the past three or four months. And remember to abide by the new rules while you submit questions. Thanks to all my readers!_

_***Again, the answer to this question was based on facts from the games (as well as my own assumptions); not fan fiction.**_

_****Same as the last answer from Azimuth; it was based on information from the games.**_


	13. Wherefore art thou, Ratchet?

_Author's Note: Well, it's been a while... I sincerely apologize for the wait. The last few months have been pretty hectic for me; I'm starting to prepare for college, which is still a year away... But from what I've heard, that year goes by fast! lol So, enough of my lame excuses; on to what you came here for! But first, the most important part of any fanfiction: the disclaimer._

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Ratchet and Clank, Insomniac Games does. Also, I do not own Aero; this OC belongs to Itman496.**_

_*waits* Ok, I haven't been sued yet..._

_Special thanks to everyone who left me questions: Itman496, Wandering Outlaw, Decimator, Fangs D. Snakeman, free the sky's Clouds, powerseeker35, a guy, Perfect Phantom, 62warewolves, and Wrenchy, a.k.a. Goodnight little everything. Also, thanks for your immense amount of patience; I didn't receive one complaint on the wait. So, to make it up to all of my faithful readers, I've made this fic extra long, ignoring the new "Three Questions Rule". Of course, by the next chapter, that rule will be in effect once more. Get ready for an extremely long chappie... O.O_

* * *

**Interview of Chaos**

**Chapter 12: Wherefore art thou, Ratchet?**

_[Everyone is sitting quietly in their seats, shuffling around a bit. After a few minutes of uncomfortable silence, an ancient looking robot enters the room.]_

**Clank:** _*jumps in surprise* _Sigmund? What are you doing away from the Clock?

**Sigmund:** _*taps his fingers, looking insecure and a bit confused*_ Well, some people convinced me to come here for some kind of "interview." _*makes air quotations*_ I don't know exactly what that is... But I came anyway.

**Clank:** _*listens intently, eyes half closed in worry* _Who is watching after the Clock?

**Sigmund:** The Zoni are, silly. I trust them, kinda.

_[Darla enters from right, startling Sigmund, who rushes to sit in Clank's chair. Clank shuffles over to make room, nearly falling off the chair. Cameras start rolling.]_

**Darla:** Welcome back, viewers! We're back from our hiatus; thank you for your patience!

**Ratchet:** What happened, anyway?

**Darla:** Oh, we just had a few slackers who forgot to leave room on the schedule for our program. _*shoots an angry glare at the director, who's standing nearby*_ **1**

**Director:** _*ducks and runs off*_

**Darla:** _*turns attention back to camera* _Alright then, let's start answering questions; there's a lot of them! First up, we have a guest here to ask questions; one who is familiar to the set. Please welcome back Aero.

_[Young human child enters from the right, taking an empty seat next to Darla. Ratchet, Clank, and Qwark wave a greeting. Azimuth acts indifferently, arms crossed, as he hasn't met Aero before. Lawrence also remains indifferent, but Nefarious flinches slightly, bracing for the appearance of Aphelion.]_

**Ratchet:** _*silently calls Aphelion, who appears next to Nefarious*_

**Nefarious:** _*slips off chair, immediately jumping to his feet, pointing threateningly at the ship*_ Damn you! Would you stop doing that?

**Aphelion:** _*ignores Nefarious*_

**Aero:** _*faces Aphelion*_ Hm... Aphelion, if you could be a Lombax, what would you look like?

**Aphelion:** Well, I am not entirely certain of the answer, since I am clearly not a Lombax. However, I would hope my Lombax appearance would at least loosely resemble my current one. _*sighs*_ I'm a little bit glad that I am not a Lombax, considering that Lombaxes are not very aerodynamic.

**Aero:** _*turns to face Ratchet*_ Ratchet, if you could pick one weapon to have infinite ammo on, which would it be?

**Ratchet:** _*grins*_ The RYNO. What else competes with that? If I had infinite ammo for that thing, you know how quickly I'd finish a job? _*points invisible gun at Nefarious*_ BLAM! ...And he's dead. _*smiles*_

**Nefarious:** _*crosses arms*_ Even with the RYNO, you'd still need a hell of a lot of skill to beat me!

**Ratchet:** _*laughs*_ I think I've got more than enough. _*grins*_ Just look at what happened last time. And the time before that.

**Nefarious:** _*glares menacingly*_ Shut up, squishy...

**Aero:** _*faces Clank*_ Would you like it if you got painted blue?

**Clank:** _*shifts in seat*_ Well, I honestly do not care much for appearances. However, I have grown quite fond of my current appearance... So I guess that would mean no, I would prefer not to be painted blue.

**Ratchet:** I don't think Aphelion would agree with you.

**Aphelion:** Hmph... As if I had a choice.

**Aero:** _*turns to Nefarious*_ How do you keep coming back from the dead?

**Nefarious:** _*crosses arms*_ One such as I does not simply "die". When faced with a superior supervillian like me, death runs away in fear! _*laughs*_

**Ratchet:** Mhm, of course that's what happens. _*snorts*_ It's more like death couldn't put up with you, so he sent you back!

**Nefarious:** _*glares, clearly unamused*_

**Darla:** Alright Aero, thank you for your questions.

_[Stagehands escort Aero backstage.]_

**Darla:** Okay, Wandering Outlaw is second!

**Wandering Outlaw:** Greetings robots, Lombaxes, and whatever Qwark is. I have a few questions that you could answer. Ratchet, how do you stay on the grind rails so easy?

**Ratchet:** _*crosses arms, looking arrogant*_ I've just got a lot of skill. And I've been practicing, too, so there's no chance of me falling off.

**Qwark:** _*leans toward Clank, whispering*_ We should push him off next time.

**Clank:** _*laughs, nodding*_

**Wandering Outlaw:** Clank, I've seen you put things in that slot in your chest; just what is the limit that you can store?

**Clank:** Hmm... I am not sure of the exact limit, for I have never reached that limit. _*pauses to think*_ In fact, I have never been informed of any existing limits on my capabilities.

**Ratchet:** _*shrugs* _I guess we'll find out later if you have a limit. Hopefully, we won't be stuck in a dangerous situation when we do.

**Nefarious:** _*rubs hands together, grinning*_

**Wandering Outlaw:** Alister, since the clock can open small time rifts, is there anything you would like to fix or get rid of?

**Azimuth:** _*gives Ratchet a side glance*_ Well, it would be nice if I could fix that little comment you made earlier, Ratchet. I recall you calling me a "bastard", or something to that effect.

**Ratchet: **_*flicks an ear uncomfortably*_ Uh, I think you have me confused with someone else...

**Azimuth:** _*sarcasm*_ Right, that's it.

**Wandering Outlaw: **Qwark, what happened to Snowball?

**Qwark:** _*smiles goofily*_ Oh, I kept him. He's my pet! He stays at my apartment, and I feed him, and I give him water, and I love him, and-

**Ratchet:** Wait, you _kept_ that thing? And how did you convince the apartment owners to allow you to keep him there?

**Qwark:** _*stares in awe before speaking* _I'm _Captain Qwark_; who would have the audacity to tell me no?

_[The room falls silent, broken by a cough from Ratchet.]_

**Darla:** ...Thank you for your questions, Wandering Outlaw! The next caller goes by Decimator.

**Decimator:** 'Ello chaps, good to be 'ere. I got meself a few questions and comments and I hope you would be so kind as to answer 'em. Qwark, you imbecile, I'm a pyromaniac and I know as a fact that when I get matches, gasoline and/or plastic explosives for me birthday I don't go crazy with them.

**Clank:** I believe he used that as a figure of speech. I am certain he had no intention of offending anyone.

**Qwark:** _*blinks*_ ...A figure of what?

**Clank:** _*sighs*_ Just ignore him...

**Decimator:** Ratchet, dude, I'm a big fan 'o yer work; how you felt when you first got your hands on the R.Y.N.O is what I really wanna know.

**Ratchet: **_*smiles*_ When I first got the RYNO, I felt like blowing shit up. Plain and simple.

**Clank: **I believe that question requires a more in-depth answer.

**Ratchet:** Hmm... Nah, I'm sure you know what I mean.

**Clank:** _*sighs*_

**Decimator:** Clank, if you could choose ta retire from the hero business with Ratchet, would you just kick it ol' school or stick to the movie biz?

**Clank: **_*laughs*_ "Kicking it old school" is a thought, but I do rather enjoy my side career. I do not think I would ever have the heart to simply give up on acting. _*smiles*_ It is my passion.

**Decimator: **Lawrence, if I gave ya a Rainbow Afronator (mind control and cranial damage weapon manufactured on Daxx Weapon Facility) who would ya use it on and why?

**Lawrence:** I am aware of what the Rainbow Afrolizer is, thank you. And am I really only limited to one victim...? Oh well... I suppose you could guess who I'd choose as my target of torture. _*glances at Nefarious, who doesn't seem to be paying attention*_

**Decimator: **Skrunch, how do ya feel 'bout having Qwark as a sidekick (seeing as you are obviously the smarter and more useful of the duo)?

**Skrunch:** _*glances up curiously*_ Ah...?

**Qwark:** _*launches himself out of his chair*_ Oh, I can translate for you! _*sits on his knees, gazing expectantly at his primate companion*_

**Skrunch:** Ah ah...

**Qwark:** _*glances to the camera, grinning* _He says, "I wasn't given much of a choice; the idiot keeps following me around!" _*looks back at Clank*_ ...What was the question, again?

**Clank: **_*smiles, holding back laughter*_ Oh, it was nothing, Qwark.

**Darla:** Alright, thank you for your questions, Decimator! Next up we have Fangs D. Snakeman.

**Fangs D. Snakeman:** To Alister, what was Tachyon's social status in your society on Fastoon? Was he cared for, kept close watch on, outcasted, or were you too busy to notice? If so, what would be your best guess?

**Alister:** From what I've heard, Tachyon was well cared for when he was young. We wanted to properly instill Lombaxian values in his young mind, in hopes of creating a well-mannered future citizen, who would disregard our differences. After he had grown, he acted as a normal citizen. When I met him, he seemed to be nothing more than a scientist who was eager to learn, up until the time he attacked us, that is. Of course, I'm sure there were some who distrusted him from the start, such as Kaden, but the majority of Lombaxes treated him as one of their species.

**Fangs D. Snakeman:** Alister, why did you guys take Tachyon in, other than, in the little guy's words, pity him? He was a Cragmite after all. Shouldn't it have been better to simply smash his egg?

**Azimuth: **Lombaxes do not believe in killing in cold blood; their victim must be a legitimate threat in order for a Lombax to attack him or her. What Tachyon's species did was in no way his fault; the son must not be punished for the crimes of his father, in other words. So, we decided to take our chances.

**Fangs D. Snakeman: **Ratchet, what will you do once you find the other Lombaxes? Would you stay and try to fit in, or you would continue to have wild adventures with Clank?

**Ratchet: **That's a tough question... Well, maybe I can have both; I can have "wild adventures" with Clank when our help is needed, and in between those times, I can try to become more familiar with my own species.

**Fangs D. Snakeman: **Nefarious, did your time with the Fongoids really help you at all, or did you continue to wallow in your defeat?

**Nefarious: **Oh, yes, my short walk through the serene wilderness certainly helped me change my life's ambition. _*snorts*_ Of course not! Those stupid Fongoids must take me as an idiot!

**Lawrence: **I do believe their speculation is spot on, sir.

**Fangs D. Snakeman: **Lawrence, what did you do with the Fongoids? Did you just accompany Nefarious everywhere or did you also engage in your own activities there?

**Lawrence: **I mostly spent my time cleaning up a bit. Those Fongoids are disgusting creatures... They live in filth! Although, I did accompany the "doctor" on a small part of his spirit walk. Did you know he is allergic to certain types of pollen? Apparently, a part of his previously organic self stayed with him after his "modifications".

**Nefarious: **_*sneezes*_ OH GREAT AND POWERFUL ZONI! LAWRENCE! I THINK THAT BLASTED PLANT IS FOLLOWING US!

**Lawrence: **_*is playing with a small flower*_ Don't be ridiculous, sir. A plant cannot follow us. _*flicks the flower behind Nefarious' chair*_

**Nefarious:** _*sneezes again*_

**Fangs D. Snakeman:** Qwark, how did you get Snowball onto Nefarious' Space Station when we last saw you tied up when Nefarious used his asteroid launcher thing on Ratchet and Clank?

**Qwark: **Oh, yeah, there's an interesting story to that...

**Ratchet:** Oh great... story time. _*covers ears*_

**Qwark:** _*speaks in a heroic tone*_ There I was, strapped to a meteorite, facing certain death. As I was launched into deep space, I took a deep breath and hoped for the best. After what seemed to be half-an-hour, me meteorite smashed into a passing space cruiser. It slowed me down immensely, changing my direction of travel at the same time-

**Clank:** _*raises hand sheepishly*_ Excuse me, but was the driver of the space cruiser alright?

**Qwark:** Oh, him? Don't worry about him; he'll just plummet through space until be lands on something... _*pauses*_ Or he can hit a space cruiser, like I did. _*waves at Clank*_ Pssh, don't worry about it.

**Clank: **_*blank stare*_

**Qwark: **Anywho, I happened to be redirected towards a black hole, which warped me to the Agorian Battleplex. When I got there, I found Snowball near the entrance, who was enjoying a delicious snack of defeated adversaries. I attached a leash to him (in a rather ninja-like fashion, may I add), which happens to match my outfit, and stuffed him into someone's ship, where we flew towards Nefarious' Space Station to once again do battle with the crazed villain.

**Ratchet: **Uh, actually, I defeated him. You didn't do anything.

**Qwark: **_*swings an arm over Ratchet's shoulder, pulling him closer* _Well, buddy, better get used to being a sidekick.

**Darla:** _*remains silent for a few seconds, in awe over Qwark's story*_ Hmm, I don't remember ever covering that story... _*clears throat*_ Anyway, thank you for the questions, Fangs D. Snakeman. Next we have a few questions from free the sky's Clouds.

**free the sky's Clouds: **Question for Ratchet and Clank, do you have feelings for each other? I don't mean to be rude but I've seen the way you look at each other sometimes, just glances that portray your feelings. You don't have to answer if you're embarrassed. If this is not the case, then could Ratchet perhaps form a relationship with a fellow hero or a heroine, (depending on which way he swings of course) as then he wouldn't have to worry about protecting them from danger (they'd probably be fighting by his side in future adventures anyway).

**Ratchet:** ...Dude, we're just friends. _*blank stare*_

**Clank: **Ratchet, do not be so harsh. I believe this question calls for a mature answer. _*pauses briefly*_ To answer your question honestly, yes, we have feelings for each other, but-

**Ratchet:** _*sits up, screaming*_ Wait, WHAT? Dude, maybe you feel that way, but I definitely don't! Not to be mean, but you're a robot, and-

**Clank:** _*glares*_ Ratchet, please allow me to finish speaking before you blurt out like that.

**Ratchet:** _*goes silent, staring at Clank in confusion*_

**Clank: **_*pauses to ensure Ratchet is done speaking, then continues*_ ...As I was saying, yes, we do have feelings for each other. _However_, they are not the same type of feelings you are implying. We feel protective of each other, and sometimes we act upon it. We also enjoy one anothers' company. However, just because these statements are factual does not mean they are in any way romantic. It is possible to care deeply for someone without having a romantic attraction to them.

[Long pause]

**Ratchet:** ...I have an urge to hug you now. _*pauses*_ But only as a friend.

**Clank:** _*laughs*_ Oh, and about the second half of your question, I do not think Ratchet would _not_ worry about his significant other, despite whether they are a fellow hero or heroine or not. Ratchet always worries when the people he cares about are in danger, no matter how minor.

**Ratchet:** _*crosses arms*_ There's no such thing as "minor danger". There's "Yes, I'm in danger" and then there's "No, I'm not in danger". _*sticks out tongue*_

**free the sky's Clouds:** Just for Ratchet now, do you know who you'd be with and why?

**Ratchet:** There's a lot of relationship questions today... _*sighs, then shrugs*_ I don't know... I've just gone through flings before. Besides, I'd much rather be on the battlefield than play "The Bachelor".

**Darla:** _*giggles*_ Thank you for your questions, free the sky's Clouds! Next up is powerseeker35.

**powerseeker35:** To Alister, first off, you're my second favorite character in the game. You rock. My question is, since you're a close friend of Kaden, do you consider him as a brother or so?

**Azimuth:** _*bows head in modesty*_ Thank you for your praise. I cannot say I agree with you, but I won't elaborate; that would put us off-track. _*straightens posture, looking directly at the nearest camera*_ To answer your questions, yes, I suppose I do see Kaden as a brother. We have always been dependent on the other; we've seen each other as idols. I've always wanted to be like Kaden, and he's always wanted to be like me... _*averts his gaze quickly, eyes half closed in sadness*_

**Ratchet:** _*frowns in concern*_

**powerseeker35:** To Ratchet, out of all your armors from your previous adventures, which is your favorite and why?

**Ratchet:** Well, I pretty much like any armor, as long as it keeps me alive, you know? _*laughs and pauses*_ I know for sure that my DreadZone armor was my least favorite... I'm not allowed to say the words which describe how much I hate it. _*pauses again*_ If you're asking which one was the most comfortable, I actually prefer a regular pilot suit over anything. It won't protect me very well, but at least I have freedom for my tail. But I think the coolest armors are those which have special effects to go with them, like the Wildfire Armor. _*pauses*_ The Stalker Armor was kinda nice...

**Qwark:** _*sinks in his chair a bit, eyes wide*_ ...Ratchet's a stalker?

**Nefarious:** _*sneezes*_

**powerseeker35:** To everyone, what are your thoughts about this video? **2**

_[Everyone gathers around laptop to watch.]_

**[TIME SKIP!] ****3**

**Ratchet:** _*closes laptop*_ ...What was I watching?

**Clank:** Hmm... It was certainly well made.

**Nefarious:** I _hate _it! _*crosses arms* _I don't act anything like that!

**Lawrence:** Indeed, sir. You are the antonym of "random".

**Qwark & Skrunch:** _*dancing in the background*_

**Azimuth:** _*eye twitches*_

**Darla:** _*yawns* _I hate working overtime... _*feigns a smile*_ Thank you for your questions, powerseeker35! Next we have a person who prefers to be called "a guy".

**a guy:** To all, what is your favourite ship? (Not including Aphelion cause she's a character).

**Ratchet:** My favorite ship is one that works. _*pauses, then laughs*_ No, I love most ships, but my favorite is the one I was building when I first met Clank. _*frowns*_ It's too bad it didn't last very long...

**Nefarious:** _*laughs mockingly, and speaks with sarcasm*_ Oh, you're so funny, Squishy! _*turns toward camera*_ The only ships I like are ones which easily annihilate my enemies!

**Clank:** _*glares at Nefarious briefly, then turns away*_ Aphelion is the only ship we have properly become acquainted with, but since you are not accepting her as an answer, I must agree with Ratchet. That ship was the start of our friendship; without it, we might never have become good friends.

**Qwark:** _*jumps back into chair*_ I don't have a preference! Any ship with a dashing hero such as myself as the pilot surely beats all others!

**Ratchet:** _*snorts*_ Skrunch is more dashing than you.

**Azimuth:** I prefer my current ship over all others. I do realize she is very similar to the Aphelion you are referring to, but I have honestly never truly connected with any other ship.

**Lawrence:** _*looking bored* _The only ship I like is a clean one. _*pulls out feather duster and dusts Nefarious' chair*_

**Nefarious:** _*sneezes, then growls*_

**a guy:** To all, how does the Plumber know so much?

**Ratchet:** Pssh, how am I supposed to know? Maybe plumbers are supposed to be geniuses or something.

**Clank:** I see the Plumber as a very philosophical creature. Philosophers are very observant and calculating; perhaps he is knowledgeable due to his experiences. Or maybe he questions his surroundings, rather than simply accepting everything as it is. What is there to answer if there is no question, after all? To better understand things, he could be creating his own questions.

**Qwark:** _*utter confusion etched on face*_ ...Who's the Plumber?

**a guy:** Ratchet and Clank, what is your opinion on the theories of you two being together romantically? (I think it's sick).

**Ratchet:** _*jumps out of chair, brows scrunched in anger*_ _Another_ romance question? Okay, let me make this clear, I _do not_ support that claim! At all! It's _not_ true! _*paces behind chairs*_

**Clank: **_*gazes worriedly at Ratchet*_ ...It is only a question, asked out of pure curiosity, Ratchet. Please clam down. _*turns attention back to camera*_ As I said earlier, there is nothing romantic between us; we are simply friends. And as for my thoughts on the matter, I am indifferent. They are simply theories; conclusions people make based on their observations. They do not concern me; many theories made before have been proven false.

**Darla:** Thank you for the questions, a guy. With the exception of Ratchet, we all appreciate them. The next viewer with questions is Perfect Phantom.

**Perfect Phantom:** First, Qwark, have you ever heard of Peter Griffin from Family Guy? If not, watch the season four episode titled, 'Petarded'.

**Qwark:** No, I haven't heard of him... _*pulls out laptop*_

[**TIME SKIP THE SECOND!]****4**

**Qwark:** _*stares at laptop in awe, then points accusingly at the screen*_ You, sir, are an idiot! _*closes laptop*_

**Lawrence: **_*looks at Nefarious* _Perhaps you relate, sir.

**Nefarious:** _*sniffs before answering, fighting off a sneeze*_ Yes, I can! For once, I agree with the imbecile.

_[Ratchet giggles furiously.]_

**Perfect Phantom:** Second, Sigmund, what was your first act as Senior Caretaker of the Great Clock after CiT?

**Sigmund: **My first act? Um, does dancing in happiness count?

**Clank:** I believe he means "act" as in job, Sigmund.

**Sigmund:** Oh... Well, I finished cleaning up the damage from that big, scary fight, with help from the Zoni. Then I watched that orientation video. And then I wandered around the Clock and fixed a few time rifts. _*pauses thoughtfully*_ And then I danced happily some more. _*smiles*_

**Perfect Phantom:** Third, Clank, Aphelion, do you think a relationship would work between you two?

**Aphelion:** ...A romantic relationship? Definitely not! I'm not interested in sappy love troubles.

**Clank:** _*looks crushed*_

**Aphelion: **_*notices, and nudges him gently with a wing*_ It has nothing to do with your personality, sweety.

**Ratchet:** Lemme guess; it's not you, it's me?

**Aphelion:** _*points blaster at Ratchet half-heartedly*_ Watch it, buddy.

**Perfect Phantom:** And last, Ratchet and Clank, what is more important, finding the Lombaxes, or finding Orvus?

**Clank:** As much as I would like to search for Orvus, I believe our main priority to be finding the Lombaxes. After all, we were searching for them before we were alerted to the disappearance of my father.

**Ratchet:** _*ears droop*_ I'm sorry I couldn't save him, Clank...

**Clank:** _*eyes narrow sympathetically, and he puts a hand on Ratchet's arm*_ It is all right. I know you could not have done anything more than you tried.

**Ratchet:** _*manages a small smile*_

**Nefarious:** _*snorts*_ Why must everything be sappy with you two? HONESTLY! _*turns away in disgust, then sneezes*_

**Darla:** Thank you for the questions, Perfect Phantom. And now, we have some questions from 62warewolves. _*sighs and mumbles*_ I don't want to be here anymore...

**62warewolves:** Ratchet? Can you hold Qwark down while I make him ingest the 'smart milk'? I want to know how smart he could have been.

**Ratchet:** Um, I don't know what that is, but okay... _*stands up and moves towards Qwark* _

**Qwark:** _*jumps onto the back of his chair, balancing precariously* _N-no! Don't come any closer! I don't know what's happening, nor what's going to happen! _*chair tilts slightly, but doesn't fall*_

**Ratchet**: _*stops, mouth agape, and points*_ Whoa, wait... How are you doing that? You're defying gravity... _*takes a step forward*_

**Qwark**: _*jumps off chair, running*_ I'M LEAVING! _*runs past cameramen and launches himself out the door, slamming it shut*_

**Ratchet**: _*stares in awe*_

**Clank**: I believe Qwark's exact IQ is the Eighth Wonder of the Universe. _*giggles*_

**62warewolves**: Oh and could you give me a hand with this 'squishy' suit? I want to put it on Nefarious. _*Evil grin*_

**Nefarious**: ...No.

**Ratchet**: _*turns to face him*_

**Nefarious**: ...No!

**Ratchet**: _*grins*_

**Nefarious**: I SAID NO!

**Ratchet**: _*takes a step forward*_

**Nefarious**: Back off, squishy! If you take so much as another step, I'll annihilate you and your tin can!

**Ratchet**: _*hesitates, then raises a leg, attempting to take another step*_

**Nefarious**: FINE! _*stands up* _I'm leaving! We've been here long enough already! Come, Lawrence, it's time we put a stop to this nonsense! _*drags Lawrence towards the nearest door*_ Don't expect us to return!

**Lawrence**: _*allows Nefarious to drag him along*_ Oh, how upsetting... Now how am I supposed to spend the evening?

_[Door slams, leaving a silent (and stunned) audience. Faint sneezing can be heard behind the door, and a loud swear follows.]_

**Ratchet**: _*shrugs*_ Don't worry, I'll put this "squishy suit" to use. _*grins*_

**62warewolves**: Well I guess I should ask one more question, Clank; If your mother made those big robots (Ratchet and Clank 1) then how come you are a 'Version 7.66' when she shut down afterwards? And how can you have a father and a mother? 0_o

**Clank**: I am a Version 7.66 because I was the latest version to come off the conveyor belt. My design, as well as a few of my features, were based off of the bigger robots who preceded me. And I have both a mother and father because they both created me. My father, Orvus, created my soul; my spiritual self. My mother created my body; my physical self. So, in a way, they are considered my mother and father; I would not exist without either of them.

**Darla**: Thank you for the questions, 62warewolves. Next we have our final caller, Wrenchy. *mutters* Finally... **5**

**Wrenchy**: Ratchet, have you longed to know how to write your name in the Lombax language? I know it's a sensitive topic, being that it's about your origins...

**Ratchet**: Nah, it's okay; feel free to ask whatever you want. I guess it'd be pretty cool, being able to write my name in my "native language". _*air quotes* _But, what'd be even better is being able to understand all of it.

**Wrenchy**: Ratchet, did Percival Tachyon's comments right before the final battle with him bother you? You know, about the Lombaxes leaving you behind intentionally, about them not giving you a name... etc.

**Ratchet**: Well, yeah... They bothered me a lot. In fact, I talked with Clank right after we defeated him about it. But he helped me ignore them. _*shrugs*_ We've learned to never trust the villain.

**Sigmund**: _*crosses arms* _Well, duh. Villains are bad.

**Azimuth**: _*sarcastically*_ What an astute observation.

**Wrenchy**: Ratchet and Clank, have you seen all the pictures and fanfics with the two of you together romantically?

**Ratchet**: _*ear twitches*_ ...Again? I swear, today must be national "Torture the Heroes Day". _*rolls eyes an slumps in his chair*_

**Clank**: _*shifts uncomfortably*_ I saw one picture, once. _*pauses, shivering*_ I never want access to the internet again after that...

**Ratchet**: _*widens eyes*_ Wait, you SAW a picture of us...? _*sticks out tongue*_ Yuck... Don't go into detail, pal...

**Clank**: I was not planning to.

**Sigmund**: _*dramatic tone, hands clasped together to match*_ For never was a story of more woe than this of Clank and his Ratchet.**6**

**Ratchet**: _*eye twitches*_ ...I think I need to leave.

_[Ratchet stands and leaves, quickly followed by Clank, who glances apologetically at Darla as he passes her.]_

**Clank**: I am sorry, ma'am. I am sure he will be more... mentally stable in time for the next episode.

**Darla**: _*looks ecstatic*_ No, no, take your time! We certainly don't want our guests traumatized. *stands up and looks at the remaining guests* See ya next time! _*whispers* _Get out! _*leaves in a hurry*_

**Sigmund**: _*looks confused*_ Was it something I said?

**Azimuth**: _*stands up slowly, then heads for the nearest door*_ Of course not.

**Sigmund**:_*looks relieved*_ That's good. Well, see you all next time! _*waves happily*_

* * *

1: Yes, that "director" is me...

2: If anyone is interested in watching the video powerseeker35 mentioned, the link is a YouTube link. Just search "ratchet's cwazy cinema ratchet and clank parody". It should be the first video. (I'd post the link, but you probably won't be able to see it. And I hate writing (dot) in everywhere... it's annoying.)

3: No time rifts were created during the writing of this fic.

4: Really, there are no time rifts. Relax.

5: Wrenchy is also known as Goodnight little everything on ffnet. Also, she is my good friend and beta-reader for this chapter; and she also helped me with a few tough questions. Extra special thanks to her! =D

6: Extra credit to whoever can correctly guess where this modified quote originates. Hint: The title comes from the same place. (Wrenchy, you can't guess cause you already know. =P)

* * *

_...This chapter's word count is 4,625; not including the AN's. O.O Kudos to everyone who managed to read through it. *claps* And also, I hope the new format I used wasn't confusing... It was far less confusing for me to write._

_So, it seems that Neffy and Lawrence won't be returning... At least not for a while. I'll let them have their break. =) So, don't leave questions for either of them, as they won't be featured in the next chapter. I plan to bring them back later on, though, so don't worry. ;)_

_Next chapter, I hope to introduce a new character. See? I have a reason for Nefarious' and Lawrence's departure. =)_

_Now please, review! I promise to update this as soon as I receive a decent amount of them. And remember, for the next chapter as well as those after it, I'm enforcing my new rule. Only leave __**three **__questions. If you can't decide between four questions, randomly pick one to save for the next chapter. There will be __**no **__exceptions. *waits patiently for reviews* :3_

_P.S.: My friend I mentioned earlier, Goodnight little everything, and I have started a collab account, called Qwark Confusion TM. We're planning many different fics, which we write through role plays. Our first project is one similar to Interview of Chaos, in that it is an interview fic. However, there are significant differences between the two, so it definitely won't be a re-write! I have a link to our account in my profile. We would really appreciate some reviews/questions! =D_


End file.
